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July 10, 2015

Minion toys in McDonalds' Happy Meals are reportedly saying expletives. This isn't just a glitch, this is a cry for help.

There is little to no chance your life hasn’t been completely taken over by Minions at this point. They are on our trains, our screens, and in our food. McDonald’s is including tiny talking Minions in Happy Meals much to the excitement of children and also lots of people who aren’t children.

However, one family who picked up a Happy Meal in Longwood, Florida for their granddaughter were shocked to hear just what the tubby yellow creature had to say. Bradley Merten claimed that every third or so phrase the Minion muttered was “What the fuck?”

Watch the video to see what you think.

While it’s not completely clear if the Minion is actually saying an expletive, his tone surely reveals something is troubling the little guy. Have we been exploiting these yellow bubs for the sake of entertainment and completely and irresponsibly ignoring their mental health?

Ah, fuck. This is exactly what we did to Lindsay Lohan,isn’t it? Our society brushes over obvious cries for help because we refuse to see the innocent and cute as anything but. How did we not intervene when she dated Wilmer Valderrama for four years? That was a warning sign!

Well now we have the opportunity to do something about it.Minions might often act like adorable silly-billies, but they too are beings (I think?),who feel sad, confused, upset, and worthless sometimes. Make sure next time you pass a Minion, be it on a subway poster or billboard, and they make you smile, let them know. Make them feel worthwhile. Did you know that one in every seven Minions has attempted suicide? That is not a statistic to be proud of.

These critters are also working insane overtime promoting their movie, which has to be taking a toll on their mental health, let alone breaching some union laws. We need to ask ourselves if it’s worth it.

Yes, they are inexplicably adorable, but there is no way at the rate they are going they can keep it up. This is textbook “drug problems and emotional dependencies"in the near future. It’s all fun and games now, but if you recall Lohan’s acting in Lifetime’s Liz and Dick, you’ll surely advocate for stronger supervision over these Minions’ work conditions.

The McDonald’s Minions might not be saying "What the fuck?” exactly, but the tone in their high-pitched squawks undoubtedly suggest a deep-seated trouble brewing within them. Let us take action now so as to enjoy Minion movies for years to come, or else that just might not be an option.