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October 06, 2010

Butt-rash or an easy dollar? Let your boss decide.

     You're at work and your three managerial supervisor's, manager and regional boss hold a monthly staff meeting to tell you how the company is deciding to save this quarter.

We are going Green!

What this really means is we will be replacing your cotton toilet tissue with paper made from sand. Instead of leaving a soft clean wipe on your toosh, you will now be 'Scraping across the barren plains.' Because you now have the added benefit of being in pain when you wipe and having un-absorbed brown streaks in your butt-line.

How embarrassing.

Now along all this none-sense will linger the past 9 rolls of paper on the grip bar inside the restroom(see blog picture). Last months savory penny pincher consisted of the toilet paper transparent enough to see through too your hand when holding it. Which brakes apart during the first sign of contact to your skin. Lovely.

Tip #1
I've developed a unique method of putting the non-resilient left-overs on-top of this months choice of sand paper to form a new 'save-n-wipe'. 
If you and your colleagues have already used up last month's bargain because you had to layer it 10 times to make it durable for one wipe. And repeat. You my friend are what we call in the industry, SOL. (If you don't know what that means, well congrats, you bit into a career at Wendy's)

But that's not all. Don't forget how your boss is always hounding everyone in emails to clean up after yourselves in the break-room. If he see's another untouched coffee spill you all will lose your coffee privilege. 
Now you get to clean up using recycled hand napkins.

These things have no ability to absorb. It's not even fair to call them a napkin because if you were to lay it down over a spilled glass of water, it would literally float above as though it were a paper raft.

Tip #2
Don't panic! Simply drag that garbage to the corner of the table and push the spilled beverage into the can. Hopefully the room-temp will take care of the left-over's before another corporate email is sent out!

By the way, you work for BP.

For your environment!