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May 19, 2015

the truth is out there

I have never seen a ghost.

In fact, I’m starting to wonder if they really exist.

Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a reliable, first hand account of a “ghost sighting” from anyone. At least anyone I have personally known.

Maybe my personal circle of friends hasn’t yet aligned it’s collective “chi” to the point of transmuting the astral plane. Or maybe these “ghosts” are just really good at fitting in.

But honestly, I’m starting to believe that this whole “ghost” thing, just might be bullshit.

For half a century, I’ve heard stories from friends about their so-called “supernatural” experiences:

“I heard a noise in the attic at midnight: I swear it was the sound of gnawing flesh”;“I walked back into the kitchen and the dishes were mysteriously washed”; “When my Grandpa drinks too much, he talks to the dead”.

I’ve never heard someone that I know personally, relate an actual visual spectral encounter.

Never a, “I saw a ghost and he told me where to find the old prospector’s gold”, or “You should have seen the door-slamming montage I just got into with my talking dog.”

Not a “G-G-G-G-Ghosts!” from a single one of them.

I’ve searched abandoned houses and spent hours in old cemeteries in search of these wondrous entities. I’ve never caught a glimpse. I’m starting to believe that haunted Ohio might not be haunted at all.

Once, on a dare, I spent Halloween in a house so scary that even the TV said it was haunted. I was there for eight hours and never saw a ghost. At twelve o'clock, adrenaline flowing, blood pressure rising; I was sure it was time to finally catch a glimpse of the afterlife. Nothing.

I packed up by five and was home for dinner.Maybe it has to be midnight.

But I’m thinking, if that’s the case, some of these ghost sightings might just be shadows caused by bad night vision. Or maybe some people are just scared of the dark.

I was recently in Savannah, Georgia and St. Augustine, Florida. Both claim to be “the Most Haunted City in America”.I looked. I didn’t see a single ghost.

I was tempted to take the “Blue Orb Savannah Ghost Tour”, or the “Sixth Sense Savannah Ghost Tour”, or any of “Captain Jack’s Ghost Boat” tours, but I just couldn’t muster the motivation.

I was all ready to jump on the “Ghost Hearse” where the chauffeur/guide/ undertaker lets you use his own personal professional ghost-busting gear.

But it occurred to me, “What do I know of ghost-busting gear? I don’t know if a seven on the “para-magnetic-coldspot “scale is normal, or high enough to constitute the appearance of an evil unearthly presence. In fact, I don’t even really know what a “para-magnetic-coldspot” is. You guys could have made this all up.”

Now I’m starting to think that there might be something to this whole “skepticism” thing. What if those ghost busters on TV just use camera tricks and creative editing. What if they’re just pretending to be scared. Maybe they’re just actors, and it’s not reality at all.
I’m even considering the fact that people might just have such strong survival instincts, that their desire to live on; even after their own earthly demise; makes them vulnerable to suggestion. Especially suggestions handed down for generations; of times forgotten, and worlds unknown. I think maybe human beings just might have an innate fear of the unknown.

Too deep! I’ll have to mull this over. Maybe I’ll watch some TV. There’s a new episode of “Ancient Aliens” on. It seems the same advanced extraterrestrial civilization that built Machu Picchu is also responsible for all of the glitches in the Iphone 6.

The truth is out there.