Full Credits

Stats & Data

February 22, 2018

Must have previous crisis acting experience

International boogeyman George Soros, in conjunction with Deep State Productions, is always in need of “crisis actors" to be used to stage horrific tragedies, most often school shootings, that the Illuminati can then exploit for vague nefarious ends. Below, please find some of the roles that need to be filled:

School Shooting Survivor, Student (background) - Male or Female, must be able to play a middle or high school aged student (we haven’t finalized the location). Primary responsibility will be to walk single file out of a school set as news choppers hover overhead. Must be willing to accept Soros Bucks ™ as payment, redeemable at all pizza parlors that also secretly house pedophilia rings.

Outspoken School Shooting Survivor, Student - Male or female, high school aged, eloquent, persuasive, prior crisis acting experience a must. We know that reusing crisis actors jeopardizes the whole operation, but we just can’t risk using some amateur who’s going to botch their lines.

School Shooting Survivor, Teacher - Male or female, Edward James Olmos-type, can tear up on command describing fictional tragedy, and believably denounce guns despite previously being a gun enthusiast.

Grieving Parent - Male or female, parent aged, this role actually lasts the rest of your life and you need to convincingly stay in character as a heartbroken gun control activist while alt-right internet sleuths who’ve figured out our dastardly scheme hurl abuse at you for years.

School Shooter - White, male, high school aged. Must already have long history of posing with the confederate flag, brandishing firearms, and using racial slurs. You will receive a lifetime of choice acting opportunities in prison since you are likely to survive your encounter with police even though they will think you actually murdered your fictitious classmates.

Cable News Talking Head - Male or female, any ethnicity. Must be able to succinctly state a case for gun control, while shouting, at the same time as approximately 17 other talking heads on your panel who are also stating their case for or against gun control. Expect unfavorable reviews of your performance by Nazis on Twitter.

School Shooting Victim - Male or female. Must be able to remain completely motionless as you are filmed being placed on a gurney, put into a body bag, given a funeral, and buried. Nonunion.