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March 18, 2013

This is the twelfth edition of Drunk Girl/High Guy Cultural Reviews wherein Sarah gets really drunk, Noah gets really high and then they go to an event and write about their vastly different experiences.d Here, they see the space shuttle Endeavor.

This is the twelfth edition of Drunk Girl/High Guy Cultural Reviews wherein Sarah gets really drunk, Noah gets really high and then they go to an event and write about their vastly different experiences. You can read more of Sarah's writing on her blog and more of Noah's writing on his Twitter. Here, they see the space shuttle Endeavor. 



NOTE: This DG/HG took for fucking ever. It was a two part-er. The first, a failed attempt to see the space shuttle, happened in October, the second in February. 


How We Decided To Go

Noah: Back in October, Sarah and I decided it was time to do another Drunk Girl / High Guy. Or more accurately, Sarah decided it was time to do another Drunk Girl / High Guy, and I was like, “can’t we just be regular friends?” and she was like, “No.” Sarah first suggested that we watch the Vice Presidential Debates as a DG/HG activity. I thought that was a not great idea, because Vice Presidential debates are, like, me-time. Listen, I’m I my late 20’s now, and sometimes I like to just take a nice hot shower, put on some hotel slippers and watch vice presidential debates alone. So, I countered with an offer to go see the Space Shuttle Endeavor travel through Los Angeles on it’s way to the California Science because I LOVE SPACE. If you are unfamiliar with what I’m talking about here’s a quick breakdown: America stopped sending men into space because “in this economy!” so the space shuttles were retired. One space shuttle is the Endeavor that they flew to LAX and then had to transport to the museum. There was a lot of fanfare around this in Los Angeles, and tons of people went to go watch as the space shuttle made it’s how ever many mile journey to the museum.

Sarah: I was truly shocked when Noah nixed the idea of watching politics alone and high on a couch in order to actively go someplace where he knew there would be a lot of people and standing. I also had no fucking idea that Noah loved space that much. None.

How Noah Got High

Sarah picked me up from my place and drove me to her boyfriend TJ’s place. TJ has become somewhat of a permanent chaperone for us while we do Drunk Girl / High Guys in L.A. because of general driving safety concerns and also because he is very good at being an adult while Sarah and I are being annoying altered teenage versions of ourselves. I got high on TJ's couch and then for no good reason at all demanded a Bud Light Platinum I saw in TJ’s refrigerator. The bottle looks uhhhhh-PRETTY COOL. It tasted pretty regular.

Sarah: I would have no problem if Bud Light Platinum would like to sponsor us. I’d wear a t-shirt and everything. Or tattoo the logo on my face.

How Sarah Got Drunk

This was a rough one. I had stayed out late the night before. Basically, TJ and I went to see a midnight movie and drank whiskey and coke throughout the entire thing. Through straws, which makes you, like, twice, nay, three times as drunk (science). Cut to 10am the next day when I woke up feeling like a nail had been embedded into the right front portion of my brain. WORTH IT. (Not worth it). Anyway, I picked Noah up from his place, where he was already high. In the car we sang along to Tears for Fears and he made up an entire song to the tune of “Head Over Heels.” Like, Weird Al worthy. But he refused to record it. Classic Noah. (Noah: LOL I totally forgot I was already high when Sarah picked me up. I think my brain is rotting from all the pot LOL :( )

At TJ’s I basically forced down a few glasses of white wine. It was tough, guys. I don’t want to talk about it. I will talk about TJ’s alternative soda choices though:


I have no idea, however, why he had Bud Light Platinum in his fridge. And I don’t think I want to know.

And then once I was drunk I started to have fun, as I do:



How We Got There

Noah: We eventually got into TJ’s car and headed to Inglewood where the shuttle was supposed to be coming through. I smoked the last half of a joint as we walked from the car to the area where people were gathered.

Sarah: TJ drove us. I put some wine in a La Croix can. We parked far away. We had to walk forever. It was hot. So hot.  My brief foray into being drunk and happy quickly ceded back into being hungover and unhappy.


The Endeavor

Noah: One thing that’s important to mention here is that the only clothes I own are jeans and long sleeve plaid shirts. (Sarah: That’s so untrue. He wears the blazer and hoodie combo all the time and has a t- shirt that says “Tide”)


Another thing that’s important to mention is that he was SO FUCKING GODDAMN HOT THAT DAY THAT IT WAS BULLSHIT. So that was a terrible clothes/weather combination. Also there were tons of people there. Immediately, stoned me was very, very unhappy. As we got closer to where the shuttle was supposed to come through, it just got more and more crowded.

We finally made our way to the front of the huge throng of people where we saw a large stage and an enormous projector showing what was going on on the stage. And what was going on the stage was some woman from the Star Trek series talking about how it was groundbreaking for black woman astronauts because she was a fake black woman astronaut on TV? I don’t mean to be cynical about this. I’m sure her role on Star Trek was in fact culturally significant. But at the time, I was just wanted to see a real space ship and go home and not sit through a speech that it would be impossible to make fun of on the internet later without feeling racist.

Then some kids started dancing? I was like, “wut?” They didn’t answer my question. They just kept dancing. After about 83 days (probably a little less time than that) we decided it was too hot to just keep standing there waiting for a space shuttle to come by. We checked the internet and saw that the shuttle was three hours behind schedule. NICE ONE, BLACK STAR TREK LADY!


We left, and on the way back to the car I started whining about how much I wanted some banana pudding with nilla wafers in it.

Sarah: Crowded. We stood forever. There were children. I think a lady from Star Trek gave a speech. Rule of thumb: You don’t want to be standing around not drinking when it’s hot and crowded and a lady from a show I never watched is talking. Ugh, there were also police cars? And a kids’ troupe called Kids Crew. Kids Crew were great, they sounded like the Jackson 5. But then Noah told me that they were lip syncing. You’re still great Kids Crew, just not at singing. Unless you were singing over your own track. And in that case you’re good at singing, but not good at dancing and singing at the same time. Listen, it gets better.

There was this dog though.


TJ disappeared to Krispy Kreme for 8 hours and had the best time of anyone because he was standing in air conditioning. Then Noah announced that he wanted banana pudding. I was like, “Good, great, let’s get the fuck out of here. I hate space.”



Noah: We found some place they had tiny banana pudding shot glasses. They were pretty good. I then got dropped off at home without ever seeing a space shuttle and took a nap which I hope will prove in the future to be inspiring to young plaid wearing white guys who want to take naps (you know, the same way the Star Trek lady was inspiring).

Sarah: Ugh, I was so angry. What a stupid day. Then I went to a haunted house later that night and realized that was the exact thing we should have done. Fuck space, fuck the Endeavor. Just kidding, guys. I like space and America OK enough.


Part II

How Noah Got High

Noah: Yeah, there’s a Part II. Because we didn’t get to see the shuttle the first time. Finally, February rolled around, and Sarah and I decided to just go see the space shuttle at the Science Center where it is on permanent display. But LOL funny story, I had already gone to see the shuttle at the Science Center with my girlfriend back in November. So this was going to be pretty boring for me. Oh well. We invited our friend Michelle Collins to chaperone us this time as T.J. was at work like an adult with a real job. I got super stoned at Sarah’s and Michelle picked us up in her Mercury. Wondering how Michelle got a Mercury? Well, there is a 6 hour story about how that happened that she will be thrilled to tell you if you ever get a chance to ask her.


How Sarah Got Drunk

Sarah: Noah “Cool Friend” Garfinkel, who does not like to adhere to the sacred rules of DG/HG, namely not doing the fucking activity without me, had already seen the space shuttle. I get it, because he “loves space.” Then why don’t you marry space, Noah?? Michcoll, a true delight, drove us. But first Noah came over and got high, and I had some beers. Fancy beers. Beers you can drink at noon on a Wednesday and not feel like toooooooooooooo much of a dick. The best part though was when we got there I pounded some Bud Lights in the parking lot whilst hiding from small children and disapproving parents. That was fucking awesome. Bud Light, sponsor us!!!



The Endeavor

Noah: First we had to get tickets to get into the museum. This proved to be… like… all weird and shit? The lady in the ticket booth had one of those microphones connected to a speaker that was on the outside of the glass. And she had it set to LOUD. So Michelle would say, “Can I have a ticket to the Endeavor exhibit?” and the girl in the booth would respond, “ONE ADULT TICKET WILL THAT BE CASH OR CREDIT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” to the entire museum. Then Michelle asked if there was a café inside. The girl responded, “THERE’S A SMALL CAFÉ AND A TACO BELL!!! I ATE THERE FOR LUNCH!! NOW MY STOMACH HURTS!!!” The speaker blared that her stomach hurt to all of Los Angeles County. Finally it was my turn to by a ticket. After a little of me talking and her screaming, I gave her my credit card. She read the name on it. “NOAH!!! THAT’S MY HUSBAND’S AND SON’S NAME! I LIKE THAT NAME!” I responded with a stoned “Okay.” And then laughed because that seemed like what a normal person would do or something like that. I don’t know. Somehow between the woman yelling about her stomach and me, I was the weird one.

We went inside and I ate Taco Bell. Then we saw the shuttle. It’s stubbier than you would think. It’s like a fat penis that can go into space. I had already seen it though. So, I was just like, “Yup, there it is again. Still penis-y.”

Sarah: I was disappointed that there was no booze to be had inside the California Space Center. You can get Taco Bell or McDonalds, or see a group of teens wearing matching hoodies as easy as anything, but no booze. As I was watching Noah order Taco Bell and looking at a cute baby, two of my favorite things to do, the phone rang. I had to take it. It was sort of important. So I talked on the phone for like half an hour to someone who didn’t know that I was hammered being like, “Yeah, yeah, this is a great time to talk!” And “Yep, got it, got it all written down.” I did not have it written down. It was so stressful.


Before the space shuttle we went to see a IMAX movie from 1994, which was basically all about the ravages of Hurricane Hugo. I loved it.

Then we went to see the Space Shuttle and the door was closed! We had missed it! AGAIN!!!!! Noah and I were all ready to go home but then, Michelle, being sober, asked the guides if it was closed and they said no, of course not, and pointed us to the right door. Thank goodness for Michelle. And I am not surprised at all that we were prepared to give up so quickly.


The shuttle was adorable. Looked like it was made of blankets. I bought my niece a little bath toy rubber ducky in a space shuttle. How fucking cute is this?



Noah: You guys are NOT going to believe this. Are you sitting down? Okay. Check it. We went back to Sarah’s place, I drove home, and I took a nap.

Sarah: That’s actually not true. At all. We went to a bar and had some disappointing apps and happy hour priced drinks.


Then we all went to a grocery store across the street. We did so much.


Noah: Holy shit. I totally forgot we did all that. Jesus. It’s almost like there’s some substance I keep putting into my body that makes me dumber.

Sarah's Twitter: @swalks

Noah's Twitter: @NoahGarfinkel