Philip Morris Introduces Breakthrough Drug To Help Quit Chantix

By CHN October 3, 2010 | 423 Views
Social ON
Social OFF
Clinical Trials Prove New Medication Is Nearly 100% Effective

Winston-Salem, NC (CHN)- It's that nasty little habit that you have always wanted to quit but just never could. Don't despair, a new over-the-counter product just might ignite that fire of change that you've needed all along. A start up company (Philip Morris) has something you might be ready to hear: 'It's finally your time'. A new, mostly organic drug, called Marlboro, has shown astounding success at helping users quit Chantix and has now been approved for nationwide non-prescription sale by the FDA.

"I didn't feel the overwhelming urge to take that pill," said longtime Chantix user Clayton. Clayton and many other former Chantix users seem to agree that the Marlboro smoking sticks come through on their promise to end that nagging urge to pop expensive prescription pills and the long list of side effects that goes with them.

America's long fight to educate and prevent the use of Chantix took a leap forward recently as Chantix maker Pfizer admitted and published a long list of side effects that anti-Chantix activists have been asserting for years. Pfizer's website now lists side effects as depression, anxiety, panic, serious skin reactions, oral blisters, sleep problems, constipation, and nausea. Smoking stick inventor Phillip Morris wants to make those nasty little problems a thing of the past.

"Chantix users often start young and it's no secret that the pills often end up in the hands and mouths of America's youth," asserts a Philip Morris press release. They also say: "We have a plan." So far, the company has taken the unprecedented step of hiring recycling agents to hang out near retail stores so that they can help children make successful purchases of the smoking sticks.

An expensive multi-decade contract with Hollywood to produce television and movies showing the use of smoking sticks (instead of Chantix) also has parents giving a big thumbs up.

Philip Morris is also being applauded for launching a national advertising campaign aimed squarely at active people such as those who ride horses during the 1970's and various types of race car drivers.

Americans are indeed responding; the Philip Morris website now has a long list former Chantix users who say they are cured:
"No more uncomfortable Dr. visits; no more expensive prescriptions," Hector, 22
"I walked into the local service station and said, I'm ready to quit... the cashier was ready to help," - Herb, 54
"I was having suicidal thoughts and running out of time," Marty (1964-2009)
"I was able to continue using Chantix for the first week, but I didn't need to. The organic smoke sticks cured me before I had finished the first pack," - Kathy, 47
Data shows that Marlboro users are reporting a 58% increase in meeting sluts outside of bars and a 74% increase in their ability to to take regular breaks from work that other employees don't get.

Although the exact contents of Marlboro smoking sticks are still unknown, the main ingredient (tobacco), is farmed organically right here in America. More good news, according to researchers, is that the smoking sticks are already undergoing tests to help cure the use of Nicorette Gum, Zyban, and Habitrol.

Despite all of this, some critics remain skeptical. Don Mosebar, a health and wellness advocate, has questioned the ability of Marlboro users to kick the Chantix pills for good. "I think it's easy to report success after the first month or even the first year. Let's see if these smoke sticks can keep people from reaching for those pill bottles after a big meal or after sex, that's the key."



Read more: http://comedyhub.blogspot.com/2010/09/philip-morris-introduces-breakthrow.html#ixzz11LWGNXDW
Credits Details
Comedy_Hub
Uploader

More by CHN

Pornstar Kylee Strutt Retires To Spend More Time Having Sex Off Camera from CHN
Added
Pornstar Kylee Strutt Retires To Spend More Time Having S...
Dr. Laura Apologizes To America's N-Words from CHN
Added
Dr. Laura Apologizes To America's N-Words
Sniper Instructor Rewards Class With 'Boob Scope' Day from CHN
Added
Sniper Instructor Rewards Class With 'Boob Scope' Day
Giffords Recovery Continues To Impress Doctors; Has First Sexual Encounter Since Shooting from CHN
Added
Giffords Recovery Continues To Impress Doctors; Has First...
Spontaneous Orgasms Causing Public Safety Nightmare In Wisconsin from CHN
Added
Spontaneous Orgasms Causing Public Safety Nightmare In Wi...
Lebron James Takes 20% Stake In U.S. Federal Reserve from CHN
Added
Lebron James Takes 20% Stake In U.S. Federal Reserve
Greece Applies For Capital One Credit Card After Viewing Clever Alec Baldwin Commercial from CHN
Added
Greece Applies For Capital One Credit Card After Viewing ...
Obama, The Taste Of Blood Still Fresh In This Mouth, Slays 18,000 Mexican Drug Operatives from CHN
Added
Obama, The Taste Of Blood Still Fresh In This Mouth, Slay...
     
    • Content-footer