Full Credits

Stats & Data

July 03, 2014

at the pearly gates

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic

examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One

room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each

applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explained that his last day was

not a good one. “I came home early and found my wife lying naked

in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower.

"Well, her hair was dry, so I checked the shower and it was

completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky, and I

began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th

floor apartment and found the s.o.b. clinging to the rail by his

fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a

flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some

awnings and bushes.

"On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag

our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit

the man and killed him. At that point the stress got to me, and I

suffered a massive heart attack and died.”

The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. “I was

on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC

equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the

building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor

apartment, but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and

bashed my hands with a flower pot.

I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I

looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the

way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest.”

The clerk couldn’t help but chuckle as he directed the man to the

next room. He was still giggling when his third customer of the

day entered. He apologized and said, “I doubt that your last day

was as interesting as the fellow in here just before you.”

“I don’t know,” replied the man. “Picture this: I’m buck naked

hiding in this cedar chest …”