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November 26, 2010

I, Karl Rove, fuck wolves.

Inspired by Natalie Gregory

"We will fuck him.  Do you hear me?  We will fuck him.  We will ruin him.  Like no one has ever fucked him!" –Karl Rove, reported by Ron Suskind, Esquire, January 2003

I, Karl Rove, fuck wolves. Not men dressed up in wolf costumes. Wolves. Canis Lupus.

I discovered the pleasure of wolf sex in high school. After a severe round of 'let’s pick on ole’ Karl by impaling him with moon pies', I ran away to sulk at Creek park, when I heard a whimper behind me. I turned to find a wolf, limping towards me with a wounded leg, pleading for help. I felt my cock stiffen like a clock. And I did what came natural to me, I fucked that wolf. I fucked that poor wolf to death. 

The change in me was immediate. I grew taller, stronger, broader. I had been ‘transformed’ into one of the ‘others'. I ran for student council, joined the Young Republican Club, and feigned an interest in red-headed women. But at night, I escaped my room to hunt wolves for my pleasure. My wolf addiction followed me from college to the White House, where Dick Cheney issued a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” mandate regarding my rumored fetish.

But lately I've had a craving for wolf dick. For one particular wolf dick, that is. A giant, black wolf that has been haunting my dreams. I hear him howling at night, circling my estate in Washington, DC, when I masturbate to canine porn. Could it be…that this wolf means to challenge me, KARL ROVE? Is this the muzzle that I see, at the edge of my nightmare? Does he imagine himself to be some sort of savior, sent to avenge his kind, forever?

I can't stand the idea of a mind existing, beyond my control. Why should this be? Were not the spoils of the dark prairie promised to me? I can't eat or sleep. He is out there, somewhere. I will not rest until I find this upstart wolf rebel prick. He will kneel before Zod. I will chain gang him before his clan and break his spirit with one final stroke. And blood shall run like water, under the numb eye of the moon.

I, Karl Rove, am a wolf-fucker, the first and last of his kind.