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August 04, 2014

And by playing a song, he means giving a hand job.

Murray - Twitter.jpg

“I saw Taylor Swift play some song for a sick little boy today in a hospital,” Richard Emery said, “and I tweeted her that there’s another sick little boy here.”

Even though there’s nothing technically wrong with Mr. Emery, he has managed to sneak his way into a hospital bed in the above image. His thumbs up are a sign that everything will go to plan and that he will not get arrested for sneaking into a hospital and pretending to be a patient.

“I see no reason why I can’t send a this picture (the one headlining the article) of myself to Taylor and get her to come play a song for me. But since I hate her music, I will ask ‘Can’t a dying little boy get his first hand job?’. I’ll tell her that I’ve never had an erection however, but then all of a sudden I will and be like, "It’s a miracle!”

When asked what his plan actually is when Ms. Swift sees that he is not a little boy, Mr. Emery says that after sneaking into the hospital in the children’s cancer ward and finding a little boy to kick out of his bed, he’ll stipulate to Taylor Swift that she must wear a blindfold. Then he will give the little boy a script to read for Ms. Swift to hear while she is in the room, because he would have bribed the boy with a lot of candy.

“Every little boy likes candy. There’s that whole pedophile joke for a reason of a pedophile asking a little boy if he wants the candy in his car. Therefore, this bribe should work pretty well.”

The script will go as follows:

Ooh. Hello, Ms. Swift. I am your biggest fan. I was wondering if you would give me, this nice innocent little boy, a hand job please.

— Richard Emery