These tweets may not be safe for the lactose intolerant.
Eggnog: for when getting fat from eating just isn't enough— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) December 22, 2014
nothing gets me in the holiday spirit better than [reads egg nog ingredients] spiced unborn baby chicken juice— Kalvin and the Shit Monks (@captainkalvis) December 12, 2017
Eggnog is just a lie to get a shopping cart full of bourbon through the checkout without being judged.— Donna McCoy (@Donna_McCoy) December 23, 2016
What a holiday treat — they’re offering free egg nog samples in this Chevron station men’s room.— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) December 26, 2016
Add eggnog to your coffee then add more eggnog every time you take a sip and then eventually you’re just drinking 20oz of eggnog, you’re welcome— Ashnog (@adult_mom) November 25, 2017
*gets last year’s eggnog out of the attic*— FRO VO (@fro_vo) December 3, 2017
I like eggnog because usually I have to get drunk before I drink raw pancake batter, but this drink cuts through all the bullshit.— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) December 17, 2016
I saw a sign advertising "fresh egg nog" which seems worse somehow.— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 25, 2015
ME: Candycorn is gros-— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) November 1, 2017
TWITTER: It’s too late you missed it.
ME: *Sigh* Eggnog is good.
TWITTER: HAHA! I KNOW RIGHT?!?! SO TOPICAL!!
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus until they fused into one indescribable being of light & nog before shooting through the ceiling. I saw it.— Chris Worthington (@SomeChrisTweets) December 25, 2015
Legend says they only had enough eggnog for one night yet hahah yet, get this. It lasted 8. Because NOBODY WANTS SPICY DANG MILK— Boog (@BoogTweets) December 13, 2017
Eggnog: the liquid your body thinks it should chew.— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) December 27, 2015
[eggnog factory]— Scroogepants Cher (@House_Feminist) December 4, 2017
*jerking off an elf with each hand*
this is the worst job
People get all happy drinking their eggnog during the holidays like they even know what 'nog' is. Might be polar bear jizz, no one knows.— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 13, 2015
Eggnog is great because it's so thick that it makes your teeth feel like they're all wearing little Christmas sweaters.— Ashnog (@adult_mom) December 5, 2016
Don't let the egg nog you in the ass on the way out— 12 Kims A Kimmin’ (@KimmyMonte) December 20, 2016
Me at the club: "Can I getta nog, rocks, with a 'meg rim?"— Max Silvestri (@maxsilvestri) December 20, 2015
i think my favorite thing about christmas time is a big mug of homemade eggnog with a hefty splash of bourbon being pushed off the table because you’re not paying attention to me— Hashtag (@HashtagPurr) December 12, 2017
If she’s bitching about egg nog’s consistency, she’s not going to do that thing you like.— Dorky Romano (@SuperApple80) December 13, 2017
The one thing egg nog enthusiasts, magicians, DEA agents, and satanists can agree on is the turtleneck.— Ceej (@ceejoyner) January 12, 2016
Eggnog comes from the Old English "egg" which means egg and "nog" which means vomit— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) December 12, 2017