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Published: January 22, 2009
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It's good to be back on funnyordie. It's been a crazy month. I had a spiritual journey. Spent some time up in a psych ward. Found Myself.

I went Hobbit all over the place.

I went There and Back Again.

Never Attempt What I Did. It will drive you insane. But me? I'm a master of a lost art called TURBO ZEN.

I am medicated, slightly sedated, and I haven't masturbated.

In a goddamn week.

I don't care. I already have everything I could ever want out of life.

I showed myself that through the Chaos&Anarchy of my life, I can always find Peace&Order.

Bruce Springsteen saved my life.

I was listening to THE WRESTLER on repeat when I first started writing again.

I listened to it again today with new ears. I'm going to repay the favor by listening to SPRINGSTEEN All Year. A friend reccomended BORN TO RUN. I'll start there.

I still haven't seen THE WRESTLER. I'm waiting paitently and I'm very excited about it.

Willy Wonka is Alive and Well, Bitches.

Listen to THE KNUX.

Bruce Springsteens New Album is called WORKING ON A DREAM.

Well, I'm working on mine right now....

Enough Ego-Poetry.

What to do if BARACK OBAMA Dies
An open letter to ALAN MOORE
DOGS OF KARMA interview
Why Tina Fey was not the Performer of 2008
I finally make THE SPIRIT make sense

More blogs as I develop....

For the record, I will never sell out. I will always perform comedy. I just don't want to be an actor. Unless it's THE GARDEN. I'll sell out THE GARDEN. I will never exploit anyone. I will never annoy anyone about a job that I don't think I haven't earned.

On the subject of Brad Pitt, Danny McBride and Stephen Colbert? Forget I ever mentioned them.

You should never listen to crazy people. I am not in a position to give anyone life advice. My own is too twisted and too strange to even try to understand.

My life is like politics. You'll never really understand it, but you'll always talk about it. Well, some of you will.

I am no longer trying to become a freelance creative consultant. I have become an honest comedian, and that's all I've ever wanted. To make people laugh.

I'm a one-trick pony.

My one trick is I can make people laugh.

I'm okay with that.

For the record, I did what every person who ever wants to communicate with their heroes should do. I wrote a letter. One to Lorne Michaels. I will use my contacts to try and get Lorne my letter. The other One is to Barack Obama. I will mail my letter to Barack Obama. Because I trust the Post Office. Always will.


I'm poor and happy.

I leave you now (God Will I Ever Shut Up?) with an important prayer.

Dear Lord, in the battle that goes on through life, I ask for a field that is fair. A chance that is equal with all in the strife, the courage to strife and to dare. If I should win, let it be by the code, with my faith and honor held high. If I should lose, let me stand by the road as the winners go by.

I am a McGorry Forever.

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