Full Credits

Stats & Data

January 02, 2018

In this installment of "Manelito and Lance" the golf course has a group of foreign visitor guests.



Lance is a golf pro who runs a golf course and has a short temper. He also has an exalted opinion of himself and likes to lord it over other people. Manelito is a poor Mexican man who came illegally to this country but eventually gained citizenship. Though he works as a golf attendant at minimum wage bringing golf clubs for members when they show up at the club and seeing to their needs (bringing them drinks for example); Manelito is determined to prove he’s as good as the rich members of the club—-and also Lance, with whom he is often at odds.

Lance would fire Manelito if he could, but he can’t. Lance’s boss over him in the big office hired Manelito and likes him. Lance is stuck with him. Manelito knows more English than he lets on to keep Lance off balance and to fool him. Manelito uses a combination of Spanish and English (Spanglish) to mock Lance and drive him crazy.

Today a visiting group of Chinese golfers arrive on a bus.They pile off the bus and grab their golf bags stored in the bus compartment.There is bedlam.

This was supposed to be an orderly operation. The Chinese have an interpreter but they are so anxious to enjoy themselves after their long bus ride they ignore the interpreter and 50 of them run all over the place.

Lance, the golf pro, who had prepared a few welcoming remarks, is brushed aside by the mob, his papers of typed welcoming words flying out of his hands.

“Me-li!” (means beautiful in Chinese), one Chinese golfer cries.

“Woman-sofa!” (means let’s go in Chinese), another yells.

“Dian-tai!” (order food) a third calls.

The Chinese golfers are jabbering among themselves and running all over the grounds, into the pro shop, and out by the parked golf carts.

Some of them run into the golf club members’ locker room.This is only for members of the club, not invited guests like the Chinese. Members of the club are rich men who pay thousands of dollars every month just to belong to the club. The Chinese don’t know the members’ locker room is off-limits to them. They run inside and begin taking off their clothes and taking showers.

A member Mister Doldridge runs up to Lance. “They’re invading the locker room!” he yells. “Get them out!”

Lance goes ballistic. “Where is the interpreter?” Lance screams.“Manelito!”

Manelito comes running. “Si Senior!”

A cook from the kitchen comes running. “Those people (Chinese) are in the kitchen they’re not supposed to be there,” he tells Lance.“They’re ordering food and making their own food. The restaurant is private only for members. Get them out of there.”

Lance yells at Manelito. “Go to the kitchen and drive them out! Get them over to the carts. I’ll get them out of the locker room.”


Lance runs into the men’s locker room. Several of the Chinese visitors are taking showers. Horrified members of the club are standing in the background watching.

“You must go you must go!” Lance pleads, standing next to a Chinese man with soap in his hand in the shower.

The Chinese golfer ignores him.

“You must go you must go!”

Lance frantically points to the man’s piled clothes. He waves toward the door. “Go go!”

“Zo-kay!” (means go away in Chinese).”



“Okay then go!”


“You said okay then why aren’t you going?”

The Chinese man doesn’t know Lance is the head pro for the club and looks irritated. “What-fore” (means in Chinese… so’s your mother, an insult).

“What for? Because you’re not supposed to be in here this is for members only. You’re only a guest. Where’s your interpreter? Now get out.”

“Hur-ly!” (means make sense in Chinese).

“Yes I mean hurry. Hurry hurry hurry! Get your clothes back on and get out.”

The Chinese man looks angry. “Hotel!” he says (hotel means motherfuc’er in Chinese).

“This is not a hotel. This is a golf club with rules. You are not supposed to be in the locker room. Now get the hell out. Where is your interpreter?”

“Way-who!” (means freak in Chinese).

“Why-who? Because I say that’s who. Why? You’re not a member. Mem-ber. You not mem-ber. You understand?”

“Hun-dan!” (means assho’e in Chinese).

Lance rushes outside. “Find the interpreter find the interpreter!”

“He’s in the bar flirting with a pretty woman,” a co-worker tells Lance.

Lance turns beet red in the face. He looks. “Wait a minute. The carts are missing. Where are the golf carts?”

“Manelito told them they could tee off. They left in the carts. But they went the wrong way up toward Hole 14 up the hill.”

Lance clutches his heart like he feels a sharp pain. “No! No! They’re not supposed to tee off yet. They’ll run smack into a group of our members playing a closest-to-the-pin competition. They’re going the wrong way.”

Lance looks up and with clenched fists shouts at the heavens, “Manelito!”