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April 12, 2009
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This is an age old question that scholars for many years have been trying to figure out.  In asking ourselves this question, we must also ask ourselves if Superheroes have different digestive tracts as their normal everyday life counterparts do.  Does it depend on how Superheroes become that way?  Were they born that way?  Were they bitten?  Did they come in contact with a dangerous chemical?<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

    In the case of Superman, we all know he was born with super powers.  He came from a different planet and had parents that saved him from being destroyed.  Since the parents were able to actually make a baby, I would say that all of their primary functions work.  As a result, Superman should be able to poop.

    Batman, as we all know, doesn’t really have any super powers.  He is incredibly strong and has tons of gadgets, but he really isn’t that super.  Therefore, without any speculation, Batman poops.

    Spiderman is a little more difficult.  He was bit by a radioactive spider thus making him change.  He wasn’t born that way, nor does he just put on a costume and go.  Plus he has webbing that could cover his butt.   After extensive research, I was unable to find any evidence linking radioactive materials to lack of pooping.  Nor was I able to find anything about spider bites causing no pooping.  In fact, it was the extreme opposite.  Some spider bites caused serious pooping (a sign of the poison running its course).  As for the webbing?  He could have it.  But it would hold the poop just right inside of his colon, thus creating a build-up (as described in the results below).  Either that, or it would build up into a huge ball of poop that everyone would be able to see since Spiderman wears such tight spandex.  Therefore, Spiderman poops.

    It is fair to say that everyone, including superheroes, poop.  If they don’t, they would all be dead before they even reach toddler status.  Bowels have muscles that move waste in a wave-like motion that push poop out your colon (this is called peristalsis).  When this malfunctions, poop will find some other way out.  Sometimes, it even comes out as vomit pooping.  Also, if bowels aren’t working, they burst open and spills the poop into your abdomen area causing infection, blood loss, dehydration, and more.  This can cause you to die. 

    With every certainty, I would have to say that superheroes do poop, Spiderman included.  If they can’t poop, they would all be dead.  Since they keep coming back every few years to make a blockbuster movie, I’m guessing they are still alive, and they all still poop.

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