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April 12, 2016

Choose Your Own Adventure

You are way hung over. You had a fun time at Michelle’s b-day bash last night… you think! You also think you might have embarrassed yourself, so you decide to check with Steph.


Hey, um, did I say anything weird to Ethan last night?

  • You and him talked about 'jersey/concussion correlation in college football' for a real long time. Thought it was weird since I've never heard you mention it before.

  • You kept bringing up the flushing mechanism in your toilet, how it was broken but got fixed, but now the bowl never fills completely and how fucked you think that is.

  • I heard you bragging to him in the kitchen—something about how your libido has been back up ever since your therapist took you off the SSRI?

  • Oh you're right. Good point.

  • What does that even mean? It sounds like you just made that up.

  • No way, he's not a monster!

  • You know he did. That dude's a monster!

  • This is the same B.S. you were saying to Ethan last night.

  • Oh, yeah? Where'd you read about it?

  • Which one? You showed us so many.

  • You know that Michelle and Ethan are dating, right?

  • How do you know?

  • How do you know?

  • Obviously not. She asked you to leave her party as soon as the words football/toilets came out of your mouth.

  • Oh right! I saw you talking to Brown Haired Jared - he runs Football-and-toilets.com!

  • Yeah, you know she's a freak!

  • The Shop-N-Save????

  • See, you didn't embarass yourself! Except for the whole thing with michelles slice of b-day cake. But I wouldn't lose sleep over that!

  • By that point, I was too ashamed of you to check in.

  • I think I saw you go out in the woods behind Michelle's parents' house's back deck.

  • Oh, and then you and Ethan kissed on the lips? Nice! Not embarassing. You didn't embarass yourself at that party last night! For once in your life.

  • I know. You died of natural, woods-related causes (think: trees). Not embarassing, just sorta sad. Actually, a little embarassing.

play again?