Oh hey there little doggie. Red, is it? I'm Julia. You're going to come home with me today! Hop on into the back seat here, oh, ok, yea, hop on up to the front seat. That's totally cool with me.
Nah, my car actually doesn't have an ipod hookup, no. No, actually, no cd player either, but it's cool, you know. So what radio stations do you like? I'll just keep it on top forty. Yea, this is Fergie. Well, you shouldn't say things like that about people you don't know. She's probably a very nice LADY.
And here. we. are. The ole casa. Yea, well, you're right it's just an apartment, but 'casa' can mean home, right? Oh, I didn't realize you were fluent in Spanish. Sorry. Well, lemme just let you out real quick...c'mon Red...Jump! C'mon! Um, sure. ok. I don't see why not. I'll totally carry you. I don't want you to be hurting your back legs! And away we go!
..okkkk..one more flight of stairs...and. we. are. THERE! Can I put you down now? No, ok, that's fine. Let's just cross the ole threshold here.
Let's get you settled. I see you've found the futon. Yes, well, we got it for like $30 on Craigslist, so, it's a little rough around the edges, yes . I'm sorry it smells weird to you. No, we weren't ripped off, it's actually got a pretty decent frame and the guy who sold it to us was really nice. It's just the mattress is a little flim....hey hey hey get your head out of my purse! Silly! There's nothing in there for you! No, I don't have a Blackberry. Its just a regular ole Nokia. It's a company. That makes cell phones. I didn't realize you were only familiar with companies that manufactured Blackberries.
And in here is my roommate Cissy's room...aaaand you just locked me out of it. Open up. Open up! You can't be in there. No, I don't know who makes her duvet cover. I'm sorry you think it's too soft to drag your butt on. I think she got it at Macy's. Red? Yes, really, Macy's. Yes- MACY'S. Why do you find that so hysterical???
Later that night...
I didn't know you were in a gang.
No, my boyfriend didn't try to hit you. You've never even met him. Why are you trying to start drama?
Yes, I'm pursuing comedy in Los Angeles. I don't want to tell you a joke. Well, I don't know the exact percentage of failed artists in L.A., but I get what you're implying.
No, I'm not your shelter friends. I'm sorry.
Please untie my hands and give me back my wallet.