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October 25, 2017
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Face it: The days are getting shorter, Trump is still president, and the apocalypse seems ever nearer each day you can wear shorts to work in October. But if you follow these tips, maybe you'll see life isn't so bad!

Face it: The days are getting shorter, Trump is still president, and the apocalypse seems ever nearer each day you can wear shorts to work in October. But if you follow these tips, maybe you’ll see life isn’t so bad!

  • Think of how many plans you’ll get to cancel when the apocalypse hits
  • Stretch your manic episodes into a manic season arc
  • Play an old Obama speech and rock yourself to sleep
  • Call the Hall and Oates emergency hotline: 719-26-OATES
  • Print off a picture of Shaq and look at the picture of Shaq
  • Look across the water to the green light, comforting yourself with the belief that Daisy will be yours
  • Check out this “opioid crisis” everyone’s been talking about
  • When a man tells you to smile, listen
  • Netflix and Kill
  • Be thankful for your government issued paper towel roll
  • Imagine everyone as a muppet
  • Swallow a bunch of pennies so you’ll jingle when you walk.
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