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91 Funny Votes
5 Die Votes
411 Views
Published January 17, 2012

Why do I hate homeless people?

Because one called me fat.  Let me explain.

My wife and I had just left dinner at The Clay Oven (Indian Restaurant). We had taken our leftovers to go, when right as we leave the place a drunk homeless guy came up to me and said "What do we have for leftovers?" 

Before I could answer he squelched out "Her?"

Instead of knocking the shit out of him, I pointed to my ring and smiled, because I'd like to consider myself somewhat mild mannered. He then followed up with "Hey fella, tell me...how do you get a girl like that?"  We kept walking and he blurted  "I tell you what...I bet you didn't get her from doing jumping jacks".

I decided not to respond--Not because I was angry, because I wasn't and not because I didn't have a response, because I did.  Heck, I had several.  Had the guy been able to afford to remove the nickel sized hair-mole off of his cheek, I may have turned around. So here you go homeless guy who will never be able to afford a computer that is connected to the internet to see my response...

So, here are my top 10 responses to your question/follow up:
 

"How do you get a girl like that? -- I tell you what...you didn't get her from doing jumping jacks."

  1. ‎Oh.........I got her by not being homeless.
  2. ‎ I also didn't get her by smelling like a mixed bag of dog-shit and burnt hair.
  3. I'll tell you how you don't get a girl like this. By taking her to dinner and a movie. If you consider dinner and a movie to be dumpster diving for half eaten pimento loaf sandwiches behind Jerry's Deli and watching other homeless people fighting over a stamped out cigarette butt.
  4. It must be nice not being able to afford to be fat.
  5. ‎I'm sorry, what did you say...hobo?
  6. Its funny that you're smart enough to make a fat joke, but not smart enough to finish high school.
  7. She's really into guys who've never sucked dick for crack.
  8. ‎How about you tell me what its like not to be able to afford another drink.
  9. How about you tell me what its like to have the only person that ever loved you been your mother who crapped you out into a dumpster.
  10. I'd type out my response to your question and bring it back to you if I thought you could read it.
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