Why do I hate homeless people?
Because one called me fat. Let me explain.
My wife and I had just left dinner at The Clay Oven (Indian Restaurant). We had taken our leftovers to go, when right as we leave the place a drunk homeless guy came up to me and said "What do we have for leftovers?"
Before I could answer he squelched out "Her?"
Instead of knocking the shit out of him, I pointed to my ring and smiled, because I'd like to consider myself somewhat mild mannered. He then followed up with "Hey fella, tell me...how do you get a girl like that?" We kept walking and he blurted "I tell you what...I bet you didn't get her from doing jumping jacks".
I decided not to respond--Not because I was angry, because I wasn't and not because I didn't have a response, because I did. Heck, I had several. Had the guy been able to afford to remove the nickel sized hair-mole off of his cheek, I may have turned around. So here you go homeless guy who will never be able to afford a computer that is connected to the internet to see my response...
So, here are my top 10 responses to your question/follow up:
"How do you get a girl like that? -- I tell you what...you didn't get her from doing jumping jacks."
- Oh.........I got her by not being homeless.
- I also didn't get her by smelling like a mixed bag of dog-shit and burnt hair.
- I'll tell you how you don't get a girl like this. By taking her to dinner and a movie. If you consider dinner and a movie to be dumpster diving for half eaten pimento loaf sandwiches behind Jerry's Deli and watching other homeless people fighting over a stamped out cigarette butt.
- It must be nice not being able to afford to be fat.
- I'm sorry, what did you say...hobo?
- Its funny that you're smart enough to make a fat joke, but not smart enough to finish high school.
- She's really into guys who've never sucked dick for crack.
- How about you tell me what its like not to be able to afford another drink.
- How about you tell me what its like to have the only person that ever loved you been your mother who crapped you out into a dumpster.
- I'd type out my response to your question and bring it back to you if I thought you could read it.