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May 09, 2011

My confusing correspondence with an info giant.

The letter I sent to Google, via classic mail:

Dear Google Inc.,

     I was recently in a conversation with one of my more tech-savvy bridge club friends and they were telling me that if I got an email address I could send letters faster than classic mail. Therefore I am writing to request one. I would like my email address on the computer to be: Tim Rogers 473 W. 9th. I have enclosed a check for $5 US as deposit, and am willing to pay any remaining email address fees upon delivery. 

    I think it prudent, though, that we address a few reservations I have about "email." Once sent, do you issue tracking numbers so I can check on the progress of the email? Are there any hidden surcharges for sending emails on a Sunday?

    You may respond to this letter to my address listed below or if it pleases, to my new email address.


Tim Rogers


A Few Months Later, I get an email...to my personal email...which I did not provide them with...

Hello Tim, 

We received a letter from you in which you requested an email address for "Tim Rogers 473 W 9th". Unfortunately this email address is already taken, however, the following options are available:

-Tim Rodgers 473 W 8th

-Jim Rogers 437 W 9th

-Tom Roger 347 W 9th

Would any of these email addresses be acceptable?

Also, to address your reservations about "email". We do not issue tracking numbers to emails from GMail so you will be unable to determine their progress in this manner. There are no hidden surcharges for sending emails on a Sunday, but there may be in the future as that is a great idea. 

Hope to hear from you soon regarding your choice of email address. 


Katie Malkin


Here is my email reply, exactly as I typed it to Katie...

Ok, I think I would like as an email:

-Tom Roger 347 W 9th

But I'm confused. Without an email address, why did you send it to "teneightfour@gmail.com" and how did you know that I would get that email even though I don't have an email address? Since your previous email was in no way computer generated, I have a hunch that answering this email should be a cinch.

I'm enjoying our correspondence, let's talk more often.



And then Google started to confuse my face off... There reply:

Hi Tim!

We only hire the best searchers at Google. Our employees are pros at easter egg, scavenger, and photohunts. I used my pro search skills to find a fascinating article about underground statues you wrote on examiner.com. At the end of the article you invited your readers to send you an email at teneightfour@hotmail.com and give suggestions for events and art articles.

I actually emailed your teneightfour@hotmail.com email address but it appears that you have two email addresses, teneightfour@hotmail.com and teneightfour@gmail.com! You should tell your tech savvy bridge club friends, they would be so impressed!!

Have a wonderful week!



A few months later, Google sent me a packet in the mail that included decals, a tuxedo t-shirt, and email info that showed they knew a lot about me. Check out the pictures here.

Visit The Men's Scrapbooking Club website today, before you're dead and it's too late: themensscrapbookingclub.com

Also check out this jam