Celebrities See All

Close

Quick Links

or
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
King Christopher and Mr. X
0 Funny Votes
2 Die Votes
554 Views
Published July 22, 2013

Dear King Christopher,

 

I recently tried out an Asian massage parlor for the very first time. Since I have always heard that those places give the best massages and I also figured if I did get a hard on then it wouldn't be a big deal. So I pay upfront and they take me back to this basic massage room with strange red light bulbs for lighting.

 

 

The masseuse tells me “take off clothes” and lay down. All they had was a very small bath towel to cover up with so I just kept my underwear on. She comes back into the room to start the massage. She gets out baby oil and spreads enough on my back for seven people.

 

 

She then starts the massage which I thought was starting great! Then I hear a phone ring and she leaves the room and doesn't come back for about 15 min.

 

 

So now finally she starts the massage again but this time she was going fast, up and down my legs. After five minutes of that I think I was more tense than before I came in. Now here is where things get interesting...

 

(Dialouge)

Masseuse: You like?

me: Yes it's good

(At this point she's touching my weiner but I couldn't get it up because things where weird)

 

Masseuse: You want Squishi-Squishi ? As she does handjob sign laguage

Me: Well, let me think... how much does it cost?

Masseuse: You get wallet and me love you so good baby, me sucki- sucki and me give    squishi- Squishi... just for YOU

Me: Ok, yes you are very attractive.

Masseuse: Oh I give you boom-boom so good baby. You pay first for Sqishi-Squishi ok

Me: My wallet is in my pants and all I have is a card, so nevermind I said.

Masseuse: OH! Noooo. You come with me and you bring wallet card.

 

So she has me follow her out to the front desk to swipe my card, wearing nothing but a tiny towel that didn't even cover my ass. So I go back to the massage room and she comes in. She doesn't finish any massage, she just goes for my penis. I just couldn't get it up (too nervous)

 

So she starts to slap my balls over and over again ( pat,pat,pat). So I said nevermind I'llj just get the Regular massage. She leaves the room again but comes back with a much older asian woman and she slaped my balls around the same way, as if she was teaching the younger one.

 

Masseuse: Why you not horny for us? This make you so horny, I make you go jumbo this way....

 

The next thing I know, her thumb is up my butt! So I called of the massage and started to get dressed. As I was headed out I thought shouldn't they give some of the back? I just paid $100 plus no real massage took place. So Iasked for part of the monry back and they said: no refunds!

 

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web

More