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January 05, 2016

Yeah I know you aren't LOOKING for it, but is it even still a risk? Like, just tell us!

Hey, TSA, for real this time, can I bring weed on the plane or not? Yeah yeah I know the whole “we aren’t looking for weed but if we find it we will alert the government” thing but, come on, it’s 2018. Just fucking be adults and tell us if we can bring pot on the plane or if you guys suck ass and we can’t.

I’ll say it, it’s fucked up you can stare at my dick with your dick-scan machine but I can’t even know if I can sneak some weed in my backpack. It’s time to just be honest with us because I am sick of having to get to places and then beg everyone I know for a little weed, especially when I am going to like a dope beach or something.

“Our dogs are trained to look for bombs not drugs.” Yeah, I know, but what about if one of the dudes or chicks at the x-ray monitor sees weed in my bag? Do they just not say anything? Am I just hoping for a chill x-ray looker or are they all chill at this point? Do you guys drug test them? Because if you do then maybe they would be jealous I am allowed to get high and bust me double. Fuck that, I’m not going to jail just because you suck.

Do you guys want me to hide the weed? Like a “don’t ask don’t tell” thing? Or would that just insult you that I tried to hide it because you can definitely see it? And what about when going to Puerto Rico? Is that the same as going state-to-state with weed? Cuz Puerto Rico rules and I wanna go there again but higher this time. Last time when I got high there I starred at the capital building for 10 minutes on account of the dope stone bricks it is made of. Also I snorkeled into this big barracuda, it was scary because I was high, TSA, it was awesome.

Look, TSA, stop being coy and cute about this shit. Sorry to be blunt but it’s been years of people being like “just hide it in tea” or “put it in a sock and put the sock in a conditioner bottle and dump in a bunch of tea.” I’m not a weed squirrel. I’m an adult man who wants to become high upon arrival at my destination, so treat me like one!

Aight, aight, here is the deal. If it was up to me, I would sneak a couple buds in all the time no prob. Trust me, my nuts are big enough to pull shit like that. I’m not like a judge or anything so I don’t care about getting caught. But, TSA, the fucking thing is, what do I tell my girl on the off chance I do get busted? Don’t get me wrong, she rules, but to her it’s not worth chancing it, you know? If we end up getting detained because you find my weed and we miss our plane, my shit will be fucked!

You know how that convo would go. Show would be like “why do you even need to bring weed so bad any way? Do you NEED weed? Are you an addict?” And what do you say to that after you just missed a flight to like her parent’s place or something? I’d have to be like, “yes I am an addict” and then either I don’t get high ever again or I break up with her. And all that would be on you, TSA.

Alright, anyway, you fucking get it. If you wanna give an answer, just pop in in the Facebook comments on this article or whatever. None of us will tell on you or anything, we aren’t like that dudes, but at least then everyone will know if you rule or if you fucking suck.