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Published March 26, 2013

 

1. YOUR ANGRY DAD

He offers to take you out and it sounds like a good time. He'll pay for your meal, help your shot, and in the back of your mind you think it's a possibility. Well that's not going to happen. Not if your dad has anything to say or do about it. It's not even necessarily because he's competing against you, it's because you rarely go golfing with him and he can't hide how much of a sore player he is. He acts like Tiger on the green and John McEnroe when he's teeing off. I'd say the worst thing about this is the beating his 500 dollar clubs take.

2. SENIORS

"Dear! Dear!" "Oh, shit. They want to pass through. Move, guys. Move" You let the threesome of elderly women amble along down the fairway. You're about to get ready to go when an married senior couple are moving at a quick enough you decide to let them through. Your buddy takes his first shot when two more old women come strolling up in beige khakis. "Fuck." They're a nuisance but they're just so. damn. polite! You love them and hate them. They're the seniors on the course…and they've been playing there for years..and they've been labeled as 'seniors' since you were born. Move aside.

3. RAMBLINGAMBLINMAN

A man who gambles at golf is either a very very happy man, or a murder-level angry man. Golf a stressful enough sport without gambling (even though it's got a label as 'relaxing'). When your buddy offers 5 bucks to whoever's got the least amount of strokes by the end of the first nine, he means business. The amount of money could honestly be anywhere from 1 dollar to 100 and he'd be angry either way if he lost, or gloat like a mother fucker.

Stay away from these three. Only troubled times are ahead. I'd also say just avoid Florida altogether.

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