The Cell Phone Store script

The Marc and Sam Show

The Cell Phone Store

Scene opens with Sam behind the counter. He is singing a song and working on a cell phone. Marc storms up to the counter. No actors are identified after this point, as the scene calls for them to switch randomly.

Customer: You need to fix this phone!

Counter Guy: What seems to be the problem sir?

Customer: This damn phone won’t post videos to Youtube!

Counter Guy: Well that’s unfortunate. Let’s see what the problem is.

Counter Guy messes with the phone a bit, then appears startled. He turns the phone around.

Counter Guy: Are you trying to post a video of your erect penis onto Youtube sir?

Customer: Yea. Can you fix it so it will work?

Counter Guy: You know it may not be the phone. Maybe Youtube doesn’t want a video of your penis.

Customer: That doesn’t make any sense. My penis is beautiful and the phone is jealous. Fix the phone.

Counter Guy: Sir, I don’t see anything wrong with the phone. I think it may be the site.

Customer: Don’t blame the site, it’s the phone! Nevermind, can you get your manager?

Counter Guy: Absolutely sir.

Manager: How are you sir? I’m hearing there’s a problem with your phone.

Counter Guy: Yea my phone won’t post videos to Youtube.

Manager: And I’m seeing your trying to post what may be an inappropriate video. Could that be the problem?

Customer: No! It’s not inappropriate to film a close up of my dick. The phone is trying to censor me! It’s none of the phones business what is and isn’t appropriate, I just want it to put my dick on Youtube!

Counter Guy: Maybe we could do a test video and post that to see if the phone is messed up.

Manager: Well I suppose we could give it a shot.

Manager films a quick video, blatantly mocking the customer.

Suddenly another customer is yelling.

Second Customer: He did the same thing to me last week! And I wasn’t even trying to film my penis. I just couldn’t get the ringer off of vibrate.

Manager: That’s cause you stuck the phone up your ass and clogged the button with shit pebbles. Anyways, I posted my video loser. Youtube doesn’t like your dick.

Customer: That’s bullshit! You need to fix my phone.

Counter Guy: It’s not the phone, its Youtube. And we can’t do anything about that. You have to talk to them.

Darci walks up. She is wearing a shirt that says “Youtube Rep”.

Darci: Is there any way I can help?

All three: No!

Manager: There are enough people in this scene!

Darci: Well fuck you guys and your dick videos.

Customer: Anyways, so what do I do?

Manager: Quit trying to post your dick on Youtube you pervert. Post that shit on Twitter.

End Scene

© 2011 Marc and Sam Show      

This script is shown as it was at the start of filming. All differences between the script and the finished video represent scenes and dialogue that were conceived and improvised on set.