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Published June 23, 2010 More Info »
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Published June 23, 2010
The World  Economic Toilet Paper Alliance (WETPA) has just announced that despite two days of talks, no clear agreement has been reached by its G12 member countries, for the bulk purchase of 1 Trillion Tons of Raw Paper Pulp from BUTPAK, a consortium of manufacturers led by Toilet Paper Tycoon Bill‘Damn You ‘ Zucker  and Donald ‘You’re Hired’ Trump - who made his fortune from appearing on ‘The Apprentice’ television show and selling a few bit of real estate.President Obama delivered a keynote speech during the discussion in which he praised the willingness of both sides to negotiate but acknowledged that fundamental changes had to be made so that the future availability of toilet paper supplies, were not subject to hostage at a time when almost every Country in the world was suffering from the economic downturn:“I understand that some might be skeptical of this plan. Our government along with our sovereign partners across the vast wide oceans has already spent a good deal of money, but we haven’t yet seen that translate into real supplies of toilet paper for renewed confidence.” But only radical action will prevent the country from sinking “deeper into a toilet paper crisis that, at some point, we may not be able to reverse”Mr. Whipple a leading industry expert who is also part of the Congress oversight committee responsible for US toilet paper supplies commented:“Finally we will get all the supplies that we need and nobody will ever need to visit the toilet again in the fear that they may not find anything to wipe with”The talks resume at The New York Marriott Marquis where Zucker’s comedy partner, actor Kelsey Grammer, who played J.R. Ewing in popular 1980’s CBS TV show ‘Dallas’ will be performing a duet of ‘Video Pone’ with Lady GaGa. It is yet unclear whether Grammer will also perform any tambourine versions of songs from his Broadway stage revival of ‘La Cage Aux Folles’.Zucker flew into New York with Donald Trump by helicopter, with his 15 people strong entourage that included Rap Icon 50Cent (who is currently recording a cover version of Zucker’s ‘Twitter Song’),  model and actress Whitney ‘Mwuahh’ Perry (wearing a lovely mint green pair of Gucci-inspired BZ boxers on her head); Lonnie ’ 42 inch chest’ Senstock the blonde bouffant-haired film director who is currently filming a religious version of ‘The Tellytubbies’ for the The Disney Channel ; Alyssa ‘Do I look like a Twitter Witch’ Millano and Corben ‘ Pretty boy’ Bleu from High School Musical fame.Both Zucker and Trump declined to ‘comment on the record ‘but did tell us ‘off record’ that they were delighted to be in New York and were really enjoying the free hospitality and mini-bar, as well as, having the opportunity to play ‘Chess’ with President Obama and Nicholas Sarkozy of France when they went out to get a drive-thru McDonalds in The Presidential limousine Cadillac One.(C) Copyright 2010