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Stats & Data

June 23, 2010


The World  Economic Toilet Paper Alliance (WETPA) has just announced that 
despite two days of talks, no clear agreement has been reached by its G12 
member countries, for the bulk purchase of 1 Trillion Tons of Raw Paper Pulp 
from BUTPAK, a consortium of manufacturers led by Toilet Paper Tycoon Bill
‘Damn You ‘ Zucker  and Donald ‘You’re Hired’ Trump - who made his fortune 
from appearing on ‘The Apprentice’ television show and selling a few bit of 
real estate.

President Obama delivered a keynote speech during the discussion in which he 
praised the willingness of both sides to negotiate but acknowledged that 
fundamental changes had to be made so that the future availability of toilet 
paper supplies, were not subject to hostage at a time when almost every 
Country in the world was suffering from the economic downturn:

“I understand that some might be skeptical of this plan. Our government 
along with our sovereign partners across the vast wide oceans has already 
spent a good deal of money, but we haven’t yet seen that translate into real 
supplies of toilet paper for renewed confidence.” But only radical action 
will prevent the country from sinking “deeper into a toilet paper crisis 
that, at some point, we may not be able to reverse”

Mr. Whipple a leading industry expert who is also part of the Congress oversight committee responsible for US toilet paper supplies commented:

“Finally we will get all the supplies that we need and nobody will ever need to visit the toilet again in the fear that they may not find anything to wipe with”

The talks resume at The New York Marriott Marquis where Zucker’s comedy 
partner, actor Kelsey Grammer, who played J.R. Ewing in popular 1980’s CBS 
TV show ‘Dallas’ will be performing a duet of ‘Video Pone’ with Lady GaGa. 
It is yet unclear whether Grammer will also perform any tambourine versions of 
songs from his Broadway stage revival of ‘La Cage Aux Folles’.

Zucker flew into New York with Donald Trump by helicopter, with his 15 
people strong entourage that included Rap Icon 50Cent (who is currently 
recording a cover version of Zucker’s ‘Twitter Song’),  model and actress 
Whitney ‘Mwuahh’ Perry (wearing a lovely mint green pair of Gucci-inspired 
BZ boxers on her head); Lonnie ’ 42 inch chest’ Senstock the blonde 
bouffant-haired film director who is currently filming a religious version 
of ‘The Tellytubbies’ for the The Disney Channel ; Alyssa ‘Do I look like a 
Twitter Witch’ Millano and Corben ‘ Pretty boy’ Bleu from High School Musical 

Both Zucker and Trump declined to ‘comment on the record ‘but did tell us 
‘off record’ that they were delighted to be in New York and were really 
enjoying the free hospitality and mini-bar, as well as, having the 
opportunity to play ‘Chess’ with President Obama and Nicholas Sarkozy of 
France when they went out to get a drive-thru McDonalds in The Presidential 
limousine Cadillac One.

(C) Copyright 2010 Billandkel.com