Full Credits

Stats & Data

September 17, 2015

"Ben Carson is a good doctor, I have no doubt. But he's probably killed people."

Donald Trump Calls Other Candidates Fat, Stupid, Hot

Los Angeles, CA - Following a summer of intense media criticism directed at Donald Trump’s hostile behavior towards his fellow candidates, Trump said he is “doubling down” on his promise to make America great again by exposing the other Republican candidates for President as the “not very great, not even very good” people that they are. At a press conference in Los Angeles, just after the second Republican Debate held at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in California, Trump hurled one insult after another at his “frankly, pretty dumb” competitors.

  • CHRIS CHRISTIE - I’m not in the business of making fun of people just for the fun of it, but Chris Christie is fat, and when you’re that fat, I’m not gonna hold my tongue. Foreign leaders will never respect Chris Christie, who I like, I like Chris Christie, but he’s an oompa loompa and he makes people want to throw up.
  • JOHN KASICH - Ted Kasich is a good man, and his wife is a total smoke-show. But she has never climaxed and you can tell when you look at how she carries herself. She carries herself like a widow, even though her husband is still alive, because he cannot satisfy her.
  • CARLI FIORINA - Carlie Fiorina is a beautiful woman, a solid lady. I respect her profoundly, but she is an incompetent daffy businesswoman and she ruined HP, which I loved before she got her witch clutches all over it. But again, a very pretty, gorgeous woman. After this, I would hire her to be a hostess in one of my hotels. She’s gagging for it.
  • BEN CARSON - Ben Carson is a good brain surgeon, I don’t doubt. But he’s probably killed people. All doctors have. Let a life slip through their fingers. Ben Carson is a great man, but probably at least a handful of people have died in his hands, and that is why his voice is so weak. The way he speaks is fragile and dumb because he has caused so much death.
  • JEB BUSH - Jeb Bush is just like his brother, who, by the way , is a great painter, but he’s retarded. I don’t mean that to say that he is dumb. He is an actual retard with a bad disease, and Jeb is just like that. Look into his eyes, and you see a man who is trying his best to imitate adult-behavior, but is actually not a functional adult like I am.
  • TED CRUZ - Ted Cruz is much uglier than Chris Christie, even though Chris Christie is a slob. Ted Cruz has a huge nose and I hate it. America hates it and his eyes are weird. They’re sad. He isn’t a leader. He looks like a witch.
  • BOBBY JINDAL - Bobby Jindal drove me here.
  • MARCO RUBIO - Marco Rubio is hot. Very hot. I would consider kissing Marco Rubio on the mouth, but I would not vote for him. He’s really an air-head. And we don’t want any more bimbos running for office these days. I know way better bimbos than Rubio. Maybe Fox should hire him to be a pundit.
  • MIKE HUCKABEE - Mike Huckabee is so dumb. I made love to Mike Huckabee’s mother and after, when we were washing off the fluids - which were great - in my shower - which is the classiest shower - she said “haha my son is such a fat idiot.”
  • SCOTT WALKER - Scott Walker is a weak man. I shook Scott Walker’s hands and they were sopping wet. Wet! Sweaty, clammy hands. Dripping wet. I’m thinking of them now… how sick and wet and pathetic they were. He is such a loser! Salty wet sick hands. John Wayne would shake Scott Walker’s hands - and I know John Wayne, I knew John, I know the family. His daughter is lovely. John Wayne would shake Scott Walker’s pathetic wet hands and shoot him in the head with a gun and say “I wanted to put him out of his misery.” No jury convicts the duke.
  • RAND PAUL - Rand Paul is a poor version of his father, who I respect. We disagree on a lot but I respect Ron Paul. Rand Paul is not his father. He wants to be and that must be hard. My father was also great, but, unlike Rand Paul, with me the apple didn’t fall so far from the tree. And with Rand Paul? Rand? What type of name is Rand? I’m thinking of Rand McNally? He makes maps? Rand Paul cannot sustain an erection.
  • RICK PERRY - Rick Perry tried to have sex with me at my sister’s wedding.

As usual, Trumps incendiary comments were met with intense criticism by the media that resulted in an utter eclipse of the issues.