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May 15, 2011

Proverbs and Psalms (like with the numbers after them, Psalms 876:897987 or whatever) are extremely annoying.

Proverbs and Psalms (like with the numbers after them, Psalms 876:897987 or whatever) are extremely annoying. First of all they don’t make any fucking sense. Secondhttp://www.funnyordie.com/articles/upload of all they never work. For example: “Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession.” What? So then I really think about it for a second, then I go to the gas station and buy a lottery ticket and I am like “Hey God, I am asking you. Even just to hit getting $2.00 back would be really cool, I’ve had a super shitty week”. Then nothing. And it’s not just that they are so over the top like trying to teach you life lessons indirectly or whatever, but they are fucking EVERYWHERE. Shirts. Cups. Wall hangings. Decorative rocks. How much money are people making on this shit!? Can I just start a publishing company, and just reprint the bible and then I would be a bazillionaire? Actually, that’s kind of a good idea, I might do that… except it is going to be Microsoft Paint drawings and I’m going to write it in my own words which will definitely piss off like most of America (especially the Southern half).  Any publishing company out there want to fund this?  I’ll totally do it, I don’t even care.  I think if there really was a God, he would totally laugh at that.  I know he would.  He’d put it on his coffee table and show it to his friends when they came over for dinner and shit. “Look at what this crazy white bitch down on earth I created wrote.   This is classic!”.  Then the Devil would all interject and be like, “That IS hilarious! She’s totally coming with me though.’ and God would be like, “Oh for sure, she’s all yours man.”. I also hate motivational plaques. I work at a doctor’s office and hanging on the wall directly behind my head is a “WORK like you don’t need the money, LOVE like you have never been hurt, DANCE like no one is watching”. So I hung up a piece of computer paper right below it that says “but I NEED the money, I SUCK at relationships, and the only way I’m dancing is if I’m DRUNK”. I’m seriously just so annoyed today.