The new suicide squad trailer is polling an abysmal 29% over at Rotten Tomatoes dot com, with reviewers panning the superhero flick. And I think I know why: it’s cuz Harley Quinn’s costume isn’t frigging sexy enough.
Let’s start with the least important part: her face. Okay, WTF is going on with this makeup? It’s like she’s TRYING to look a little ugly. Um, leave that to Jared Leto please–I like my men sadistic and demented, and my women hot and fake. She’s also way too pale–get her a little bit tan and then we’re in business. I want my women to have the skin tone of a bag of Cheetos that just spent a week in Cozumel.
Now let’s talk the hair. I LOVE the blonde hair–blondes are very hot. I also think pigtails are very sexy. They remind me of the hairstyle little girls have, and little girls are great because they don’t ever argue with you or tell you to get a freaking life (unlike those stupid ass woman ghostbusters). Again, like the face, those ratty tresses could use with some cleaning up and maybe be a little more shiny. Right now Harley’s hair is “too damn dull” (picture me saying it like “The rent is too damn high”). I can’t have fuck fantasies about a woman with dull, dry hair.
Onto the main event: her body. Wow, do I love to look at and evaluate women’s bodies, and fortunately her costume is giving me a great opportunity to do that. In the trailer she laughs as she pulls a shirt over her bra, to which I have to ask: why put a shirt on in the first place? We saw your half tits already, it’s not like you’re covering anything up–just let those babies be loose. As aforementioned, for some reason I find little girls sexy so I like that “Daddy’s Little Monster” is emblazoned across the front of the shirt.
The bottoms are perfect–could be a little shorter. Maybe seethrough? And lose the tights, fishnets don’t do it for me.
At the end of the day I don’t need a three-dimensional character conveying the pain of systemic abuse prevalent in a universe built on the very faultlines of male power. I want a lycra clad hottie making fun jokes about her butt and her boobs who I can masturbate to.