Full Credits

Stats & Data

549Funny
220Die
36,721
Views
January 06, 2016
Published
Description

Last year, we successfully predicted Jared Fogle's shocking arrest (look it up!). This year we're feeling cocky AF.

Last January, I correctly predicted Jared Fogle’s shocking arrest. This year, I’m going for broke and making even more prediction. Here are the top 10 news stories I expect to see between now and New Year’s Eve 2016.


#1) To make a confusing artistic statement, Shia LaBeouf will legally change his name to Yoko Real.

Shia_Labeouf_2014.jpg

Without explanation, he’ll say, “I live Yoko Real. I am Yoko Real.”


#2) Taylor Swift will have an awkward encounter with Viola Davis.

vswift.jpg

This might involve a condescending remark. It might involve a violation of Viola’s personal space.


#3) Justin Bieber will ride a hoverboard on a yacht and it won’t end well.

Believe_Tour_13,_2012 (1).jpg

Pro tip: Don’t get your hover board wet, yo.


#4) Benedict Cumberbatch will win a staring contest with an owl.

Benedict_Cumberbatch_filming_Sherlock_cropped.jpg

And thus, Benedict will become King of the Owls.


#5) I don’t know, maybe there will be a new American Pie movie?

Jason_Biggs_at_Paley_Fest_Orange_Is_The_New_Black.jpg

Maybe a spinoff about a bunch of teens who lose their virginities in Narnia or something.


#6) That kid from Two and a Half Men will break into the podcast game.

Angus_T._Jones_2,_2011.jpg

It’ll be a podcast about reviewing other podcasts. He’ll call it “Pod Heads.”


#7) Ray Romano will get caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Ray_Romano_2011_(cropped).jpg

Oh, yes, he will.


#8) The Giving Tree will be adapted into a Netflix original series.

The_Giving_Tree.jpg

The series will feature a cameo by Tilda Swinton as the grown-up boy.


#9) Ashley Simpson will mount a lukewarm comeback.

Ashlee_Simpson_2008.jpg

It will start and end with a spectacular whimper.


#10) Flo from those Progressive commercials and the guy from those “Can You Hear Me Now?” Verizon commercials will be embroiled in a heinous sex scandal.

Untitled-.jpg

You’ll never be able to look at your phone or car insurance the same.

Advertisement