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December 21, 2016
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Interior Design Studio 315: Gold Intensive.

Dear students,

Some of our courses this semester have undergone substantial changes to reflect President Trump’s values and plans. Before enrolling in classes, please carefully read their updated descriptions. Also, be aware that the library is now a casino.

Economics 201: Federal Income Tax
This survey lecture will outline the many legal loopholes to paying federal income taxes as both an individual and a corporation. There will be no primary sources used in this class because it is not mandatory to publicly release tax returns. Extra credit will be provided at the end of the semester for those students whose parents earn over $250,000 annually.

Political Science 301: The Electoral College
The Electoral College is a very bad and outdated institution unless it works in your favor and then it is a system steeped in history that should be respected. In this discussion section, we will investigate the ways that one can win the electoral college while losing the popular vote by a number larger than the entire population of Slovenia.

Women’s Studies Senior Seminar: Female Voices
[canceled indefinitely]

Interior Design Studio 315: Gold Intensive
This intensive will provide students a practical studio setting for execution of the most sophisticated trend in residential design: gold everything. Clearly the most respected, studied, and objectively attractive look for any interior space is for it to look like King Midas feeling his way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Earth Science 216: “Global” “Warming”
In this lecture course, students will come to understand how the myth of Global Warming became such a pervasive Chinese hoax. A weekly required lab will involve students going outside and saying, “It’s pretty cold out, so how could there be global warming?”

Journalism 405: Master’s Research Thesis
Adjunct Professor Alex Jones will teach this graduate level seminar in identifying credible sources like tweets from accounts with egg avatars, conspiracy theory reddit boards, and things yelled at the beer guy before the start of a Nascar race. The second half of the semester will be focused on screaming.

English 203: The Great American Novel
This survey lecture with discussion sections will examine the styles, motifs, and themes from great American novelists like Dostoyevsky, Gogol, Tolstoy, and others who celebrate our national writing heritage.

Thank you to all students for being flexible with these curricular changes. Also, be aware that the library is now a casino.

Thank you,
Dean Kingsley

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