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Google expects driverless cars to be on our roads by 2025. Nissan predicts by 2020. And a recent report from Cisco technology trends predicts that driverless cars will be more cost-effective than their human-driven alternatives within 5–7 years. With this impending technological shift, it is best to be prepared. (source)


  • Cars are now technically alive and have feelings like the cars in Pixar’s Cars.
  • Passengers expected to have more time for the license plate game on road trips.
  • For clarity, “streets” will be renamed “automated smash paths.”
  • With steering wheels rendered obsolete, cars will come standard with actual drums to drum on.
  • Manufacturers still haven’t figured out so-called “driving head first into the Grand Canyon” bug, so avoid that area for now.
  • Limo drivers will just be people of a lower income bracket that you pay to sit in the front seat while you go to a fancy dinner.
  • Smart hacker kids will be able to make cars stop for Happy Meals whether mom likes it or not.
  • Driverless cars are just as safe as regular cars, except when constructed by robots under the influence of too much robot-booze (oil).
  • GM has unveiled plans to create a driverless car that will be recalled after waiting a grossly negligent time period for a known ignition failure that kills over a dozen people.
  • Song “Baby, You Can Drive My Car” now illegal to sing.
  • Although cops can no longer arrest you for drunk driving, they can still sock you in the gut for owning a pussy car.
  • Driverless car permit test will include questions like, “When your car is driving you somewhere, do you (A) just let it, or (B) mess with the buttons and stuff to try to get it to go faster?”
  • Occasionally driverless cars will try and hump each other in parking lots. This is considered healthy and encouraged.
  • If you fall asleep in a driverless car, it will take you someplace weird and unsettling, just to mess with you.
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