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March 14, 2017
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"If you look at the thin sheet of metal wrapped several layers thick around the president’s head, he is very clearly wearing it in a figurative manner."

Sean Spicer

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I think if you look at the thin sheet of metal wrapped several layers thick around the president’s head, he is very clearly wearing it in a figurative manner. When he used the entire box of foil to cover his cranium, he was not literally putting on a hat made of tin foil to disrupt mind-reading electromagnetic waves emitted from the headquarters of Barack Obama’s shadow government secretly positioned three stories beneath a Washington DC Starbucks. It is a gesture that spans a whole host of reasonable safety concerns. The House and the Senate Intelligence Committees will now look into that. There is evidence of Obama wirelessly tapping into people’s thoughts. It’s interesting that now the media is asking for proof.


Kellyanne Conway

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What can I say? When President Trump tweeted he was “wearing a tinn [sic] foil hat from now on,” it is something he believes in. There are many things that a tin foil hat can block: radio waves, magnetic waves, and microwaves—I’m of course talking about the invisible waves in your kitchen the CIA uses to brainwash you while you make popcorn. I’m no Inspector Gadget, but I heard they have the power to turn your Roomba against you.


Stephen Miller

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The tin foil hat of our president is very substantial and will not be questioned.


Mike Pence

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What I can say is congressional investigation thorough American people rest assured examine opportunity election issues surrounding very confident more jobs focus the House can be sure this administration. What were we talking about again? Healthcare? Yes, we are working on creating better healthcare. I have to go. Look out behind you! A gay wedding!


Sarah Huckabee Sanders

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There are such things as invisible waves out there. The BBC, the New York Times, and Fox News have all discussed this. What about wifi? Think about it. The president does not accept the FBI’s claims that they never tried to sneak into his brain. In fact, he can’t even hear them. Seriously, he just jammed his ears full of tin foil.

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