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Scott Bastian
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Published July 20, 2012

 All theatres banned from providing midnight shows containing comic book characters

  Club bouncers forced to man back door entrances

  Patrons forced to check shoes and view films barefooted

  All male, white patrons in mid-twenties to endure full body metal scans

  The cost to rent apartments in Aurora become the lowest in the US

  Gas masks provided free of charge when issued 3D glasses

  Disaster life insurance offered when purchasing ticket

  Creation of a “No Viewing List”, monitored by the TSA

  All personal loans made to James Holmes deemed unrecoverable

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