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June 19, 2011

I wrote a letter to my ex-girlfriend.. I wanted to get a reaction from the 'Funny or Die' Community before I send it...

I translated the letter into English
Please excuse my English as this is a second language to me. 

To my love.. Rebecca 

You've just torn out my heart, how could you bring yourself to hurt me like this. 
I can't go on without you and I just dont know what to do.
I miss you so much that recently I've started watching a lot of pornography.
I even bring it around with me on my Ipod, I dont have a video display though, so I will just be sitting, lonely in the bus listening to teenage cumshots.. 
You know how people sometimes play so loud music in their headsets that you can hear it when you're sitting next to them? .. well thanks to you nobody is sitting next to me.

YOU did this to me!
Do you have any idea what its like being a single male in Denmark?
I've tried everything... at my birthday party I got drunk and started hitting on someone using the 'Jedi technique'.. "You dont want to be here... you want to go home with me"... waving my hand like an idiot.. and the response I got was just as bad "Allan, I'm your dad"

I bet you think you are so great... well let me give you some advice... pubic hair removal.
When you fell asleep I used to climb on your stomach and pretend I was Aladdin on his magic carpet.
I killed your bird too..  yeah It didn't die of a cold.. it wouldn't shut up.. and I made it..
I made you a mixed tape... and I want it back