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Stats & Data

November 30, 2011


Okay, so that first post (ATL Week 7) was pretty dry, I'm well aware. But this is real life folks, and sometimes people just want the raw facts. If you're even reading this, you are witnessing the ups and downs of people battling with the double life of being a regular person and being a fantasy football owner. This shit is not a game.

I'll just include the owners legend on each post, I know that's a huge cause for hate mail. We now look at the results from Week 7. Enjoy.


Professional Blues = me (Fox)

my ninjas = black
Jack D Rocks = brown
Legion of Doom = blue
RamRods = red
Bastard Mutants = orange
T. Green? = green
AK-47 = Adam (only met him a few times and have no idea what his last name is)
CANT WAIT = turquoise 
Bruce Blingstein = gray






FaNasty News Wrap-Up (Week 7)

Tues 10/25, 11:30AM - Ello poppet. Happy Theo Day to the Cubs fans out there. Hopefully this hiring keeps overcasting the fact that the Cubs fucking suck. But back to the real sport. Our picks for Week 7 could not have been any more bogus, but that didn't stop the excitement from around the league this weekend. We now take a quick look at the results from this past week. 

CANT WAIT (4-3) v. BRUCE BLINGSTEIN (1-6) - (CANT WAIT by 36 pts) 
Quarterback Cam Newton continues to put up solid fantasy numbers, and he has one of the top endzone dances (right up there with Matt Forte's). He is one of the main reasons CANT WAIT finds itself in third place following an expected victory over Bruce Blingstein. M*** L*** maybe thought he knew something the rest of us didn't know by starting both recently benched quarterbacks Donovan McNabb and Rex Grossman; or maybe he just doesn't give a fuck about winning. 

T. GREEN? (3-4) v. AK-47 (2-5) - (AK-47 by 43 pts) 
The late news of Sebastian Janikowski sitting with a hamstring tweak was not good for P******'s T. Green? ball club, but his presence would not have been nearly enough to deal with the fucking animal that is AK-47 running back Arian Foster. Foster put his struggling team on his back and helped Adam pull off a big upset over P******'s unlucky squad. AK-47 also had God on his side with surprising production from quarterback St. Timothy Tebow, despite the fact that he played like a high school backup quarterback for 85% of the game. P****** is probably somewhere icing his ass, 'cause he took a pounding. 

S*****'s Bastard Mutants continue to roll, this week on the arm of quarterback Drew Brees and the legs of running back DeMarco Murray. I thought C******'s RamRods were going to be a tough matchup this week (even warned of an upset alert), but boy was I wrong. Those Indianapolis Colts are impressively pathetic, and the St. Louis Rams are starting to get there. Tough loss for C******, but I am more intrigued as to what shitty trade proposal he has up his sleeve for this week. I think J*** believes that the definition of a trade is giving up a host of shitty players in return for top caliber players. That's not how it fucking works J***. Oh, final stat line: S*****'s wideout Damian Williams had one point and C******'s receiver Doug Baldwin (WTF?!) had zero. Still not convinced these players are even real people. 

LEGION OF DOOM (6-1) v. JACK D ROCKS (2-5) - (LEGION OF DOOM by 50 pts) 
LoD owner B** J**** could have sat QB Matt Hasselbeck and it wouldn't have mattered one bit. I mean, he practically did sit him if you look at how shitty he played. His lack of points makes sense when you lose 41-7 to the Texans, but what does NOT make sense is how the Chiefs can win 28-0 and only get 5 points from QB Matt Cassel. If I were JDR owner S** C*******, I would drop Cassel's poor-performing ass immediately. How many times do you think the Chiefs are going to win 28-0? If they get spanked 28-0, will Cassel put up 30 points? Hmm..S**, you actually may want to keep him now that I think of it. Bottom line: LoD is starting to pull away from the competition, but can his club remain healthy? 

That's right, 0.45 points. And the clinching point did not come until a postgame stat correction in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. In the closest matchup in FaNasty history, the PB Squad pulled off the big upset over my ninjas. Quarterback John Beck was able to put up enough points to make up for the shitty performance by quarterback Colt McCoy (who PB owner Fox will be sending immediately back to C*******), and the Blues also had two players that faced the Division-III Colts. my ninjas continue to deal with injuries, as leading rusher Darren McFadden went down early in the first half. This is not good news for my ninjas' owner D** O********, and perhaps his drunken-master beauty of a draft is beginning to look like a big disgusting bitch of a draft the following sober morning. 

PBvRR (Big matchup, quite possibly for third place.) 
LDvCW (Can S****** stop the streaking Legion?) 
BMvJDR (C******* facing a tough opponent for the second straight week.) 
TGvMN (Hard to determine which team needs this W more.) 
AKvBB (Difficult to imagine L*** putting himself in a position to win.)
-FaNasty News