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4 Die Votes
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Published March 07, 2012

People try their best to organize their lives every day. A good way to do this is to write down everything you need to accomplish on a sheet of paper that’s blessed by the god of paper, and place it on your refrigerator or carry it around with you. Many people throughout history have done this, but more importantly, FAMOUS PEOPLE HAVE DONE IT. And I’m the creep-o who spent many hours trying to find all their to do lists, So why don’t you take a look at what I Found ehhhh?!?!

 

Barack Obama

 

  • Run the country (run this bitch)
  • Bottle up my anger
  • Work on the economy
  • Have a discussion about greener alternatives for sources of power with ambassadors from other nations
  • Talk to Michelle. . . SERANADE!
  • Laugh at everything Canada does
  • Keep the fact that I’m still half white on the down low
  • Install a tiny basketball court in the oval office
  • Help the girls with their school projects’
  • Donate to charity
  • Give Hillary Clinton 30 seconds of pure eye contact, then dunk on her ass
  • Go ham on these hoes Debate with republicans
  • Talk to Michelle again. . . TENDERIZE!

 

The CEO of McDonalds

  • Continue to hate children
  • Send secret agents around the world to eliminate all remaining McRibs
  • Help black people
  • Please the gods
  • Work on my awesome new sandwich called “The McSuicide”
  • Eat my 3 healthy vegetable rich, portion controlled meals for the day
  • Drink 8 cups of water
  • Have someone bring the Cuban slave child in the field some Lemonade, and consider making the lemonade pink
  • Fall asleep to “Runaway”, or as I like to call it, “Give It Up For The Douche Bags”  by Kanye West

 

Martha Stewart

 

  • Build a new punching bag (you broke your last 89) and make it look adorable
  • Bake cookies for the local orphanage
  • Look non-threatening
  • Plant a cherry tree. If cherry trees don’t exist, then genetically engineer one
  • Put apple pie on window sill to cool like I do everyday
  • Tape another episode of the show
  • Break into my next door neighbor’s house and decorate it
  • Go ape shit with the decorations
  • Take down the decorations before they get home so they’ll know I was here
  • Spray paint “M-Swizzle was here” on their car again

 

Every Biggest Loser Coach

  • Workout
  • Workout
  • Workout
  • Workout
  • Workout
  • Workout
  • Workout
  • Don’t die
  • Workout
  • Workout
  • Workout
  • Workout
  • Workout
  • Fruits and veggie dance
  • Workout
  • Sleep

 

Magic Johnson

 

  • Watch T.V
  • Pick up groceries
  • Keep hiding the cure to AIDS in my sock drawer

 

Bill Gates

 

  • Take Bath with $100 bills instead of water like always
  • Eat a bagel with cream cheese that’s also seasoned with money
  • Have people install a drawbridge onto my house, then have those people build a Moat around my house (preferably while being whipped)
  • Unleash dragons unto the world
  • Go get a loan just to be funny
  • See if my cyborg body is finished being built
  • Throw rotten tomatoes at people who ONLY MAKE $5,000,000 A YEAR
  • Keep plotting world domination

 

Lil Wayne

 

  • Work on my rap career

 

Lil B

 

  • Work on my rap career

 

Lil Cesar

 

  • Work on my rap career

 

Lil Kim

 

  • Track down and wipe all rappers with the words “lil’ or “little” in their name out of existence
  • Do the same thing to all female rappers
  • Tape another motivational poster to my mirror, refrigerator, shower door. . .
  • Work on my rap Career

 

Nicki Minaj

 

  • Keep tonight’s camp fire going with all this hate mail I got from Lil Kim

 

The Zodiac Killer

 

  • 0_0........1232 . 2.321.435.4e fd..sdf
  • 2431598. . :D 324315 FEEE dww
  • =:(. . *$$##@#$% FDQWEFDD FEEE 309!!!!
  • 101110111 110 10111 01 0_0. . . -_-. . .I_I!!!!!
  • HHH FF EEEEE fwoe220333 949 85930 3!!!!!!!!!E#R#R#R#R#R#r
  • ##%$%%^^ FDEED 09) (Wedffeef EWe!!!) w3343455 Pancakes 323493 #@Dd
  • 92- 023- -34-5-dd-df-ef-ef- -393 39999 939 9393 9=D
  • And get some orange juice

 

The Cookie Monster

 

  • Kick this cookie addiction that has ripped me away from my very loyal husband and kids
  • Go to the doctor to check on my withdrawal symptoms
  • Eat my LAST cookie
  • Eat my last LAST cookie
  • Eat my last last LAST cookie
  • Smoke some weed
  • Get back at all the skanks who gave me an intervention
  • Also, try to kick this cocaine problem that isn’t really a big deal
  • Stay completely sober for 1,000 days so I can reach a higher state of being known as “Nirvana” and transform into the “Veggie Monster”

 

The Veggie Monster

 

  • Live life
  • Eat a cookie

 

Santa

 

  • Put my wife on my shit list
  • Put the dog on my shit list
  • Put the cookie monster on my shit list for never Putting out for me on Christmas
  • Put the elves on my shit list
  • Put adults on my shit list
  • Put Jews on my shit list
  • Put skinny people on my shit list
  • Put cancer on my shit list
  • Put diarrhea on my shit list
  • Put Nigeria on my shit list
  • Put all the so called “Comedians” who think they’re funny when they tell jokes about me on my shit
  • Put everyone who thinks that I’m guilty of home invasion on my shit list
  • Smash the Mrs.

 

Kreayshawn

 

  • Recruit more people to join the “White Girl Mob”
  • Shout out to Oakland
  • Suck the swag out of Young Money
  • Work on my New Album
  • Sock Kreayfish
  • Smoke a doobie
  • Ease up on the 90’s slang
  • Take my cat out for a drink
  • Freestyle rap about String Theory

 

Abraham Lincoln

 

  • Polish my time machine
  • Put Some Missy Elliot on my IPod, IPad, IPhone, and Apple computer
  • Find a way to murder this “Steve Jobbs” guy while I’m bored
  • Start to like black people and give them their freedom eventually
  • Drink unicorn blood to keep up my strength
  • Go see this cool show called “The Midnight Show” at Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in this hip future city called “Los Angeles”
  • Go see any of the cool shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade theaters in these hip future cities called “Los Angeles” and “New York”
  • Travel to the future and laugh at this guy named David Ayala to make him feel bad in this hip Semi-future city called “Detroit”

 

Screw You Abraham Lincoln. . .

 

@DavidAyalasOk

 

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