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September 30, 2017
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I sit where I sit.

Me: Dude, get your butt off the pillow.
Conan: Why?
Me: Because we nap with that pillow.
Conan: So?
Me: So? So, we don’t want your butt stink on our pillow.
Conan: Oh, ok. I see the mistake you’re making.
Me: What? I didn’t make a mistake.
Conan: Oh, yes you did.
Me: Fine. What mistake did I make?
Conan: You said this is your pillow.
Me: And it is. We bought it.
Conan: Right but my butt’s on it.
Me: I KNOW AND I WANT IT OFF OUR PILLOW!
Conan: But see, it’s my pillow.
Me: Conan, it is not your pillow.
Conan: But my butt’s on it.
Me: Dude, seriously, I’m not going back and forth like this all day.
Conan: Ok, so stop.
Me: Dude.
Conan: Look, you may not realize this but I’m only following the rules.
Me: No, that’s exactly what you’re not doing! We don’t want you’re butt on our pillows!
Conan: See, that’s your problem. you want me to follow Human Rules but as everyone knows Dog Rules supersede Human Rules and Dog Rules clearly state that once a dog sits on something he or she claims it.
Me: ……
Conan: …..
Me: Ya know what? It’s not worth it. Fine, that pillow is now yours. I just don’t have the energy to fight anymore. I’m hungry and I’m cranky. So, let’s just not talk for a little while so I can eat my sandwich in peace.
Conan: Yeah, sorry but I claimed that sandwich while you went to get a soda.
Me: Dude! I’ve already taken a bite!
Conan: Yeah ya did. A bite of my butt sandwich.

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