February 28th, 2016
Washington DC- Donald Trump released a statement on Thursday saying that he will whole-heartedly accept the support of Nigeria based Islamic extremist group, Boko Haram.
Trump admits that he knew nothing about the group, originally believing them to be a “kick-ass Jamaican reggae band” before being told that they are in fact, a violent terrorist organization. Still, he says he will gladly accept any support he can garner as has been his campaign strategy so far. In addition to large sums of cash, Boko Haram has promised to send AK-47s and RPGs to aid in the showdown expected between Trump and Hillary Clinton this November.
This news comes only days after governor Chris Christy pledged his support for the billionaire real estate magnate, giving him yet another powerful ally in the fight against the democratic nominee. These recent developments make it clear to many that the runaway freight train that is the Trump campaign cannot be slowed down even as monsters like Chris Christy and Boko Haram hop on board. Other groups that have considered endorsing Trump include the Ku Klux Klan, NAMBLA, ISIS, the women from The View, the Nazis, and Happy-Madison Productions, all of whom Trump would be proud to be associated with, he says.
Analysts are struggling to make sense of what the Boko Haram endorsement will mean for Trump’s chances politically in the months to come. Some officials speculate that the polls will reflect a positive jump in prospective votes as so many people in the United States are easily manipulated and kind of “dumb”. Trump himself predicted the ease to which he is currently able to woo the Republican voter in this 100% true, non-satirical interview he gave with People Magazine in 1998 where he states:
“If I were to run, I’d run as a Republican. They’re the dumbest group of voters in the country. They love anything on Fox news. I could lie and they would still eat it up. I bet my numbers would be terrific.” (Actual quote from Trump, no satire here, People Magazine 1998).
Boko Haram is reportedly excited about the endorsement and the campaign to come. While no official statement was given, the social media site Twitter was alive with militants across the globe issuing their allegiance to Trump with many echoing the sentiment of letting ‘the infidel destroy himself from the inside out.’ It is too soon to say whether or not Trump will win the nomination of the GOP for sure, but if he does, it may very well be because of the support given by extremist groups like Boko Haram and others. For now, they can only wait and hope for victory.