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September 21, 2017
Published
Description

Writing "Happy birthday." with a period instead of an exclamation point basically means your co-worker hates your guts.

Let’s face it. Sometimes in life, you’re going to need to give another person a card. So when those events come up, the card might as well be funny. That’s why Funny Or Die partnered with Shoebox to create funny cards for all of life’s moments. And now, the cards are available in select retailers nationwide!

Now… Despite the common custom, when HR goes around asking people to sign a co-worker’s birthday card, people aren’t always great at delivering a clear message. See below for a translation of what people really mean when they sign the oh-so-classic of greeting cards, the Office Happy Birthday Card.


Front:

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Inside:

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Translations:

Happy birthday. - Tim
Wow. Tim clearly hates you. The choice to end his sentence with a period rather than an exclamation point makes that clear. The only thing worse would have been if he would have included no punctuation at all. Only serial killers do that.

H. B-Day! -n
Yikes. Whoever “n” is wants you to know that he or she is so busy that they can’t be bothered to fully write out “Happy birthday” or their full name. This person is desperate for validation. Watch out.

I’m sorry for your loss. -David
David seems to be confused. He thinks that this is a condolences card rather than a birthday card. He obviously isn’t very good at context clues. Maybe give David a break though, since he himself has been grieving ever since his pet Iguana died during the heat wave this summer.

Happy birthday! Have fun at drinks after work — but not too much fun haha ;) - Sam
Sam is being a straight up jerk. She is hinting at the time that you got a little too drunk and made a fool of yourself at the last office function that involved alcohol. And also the time before that. And the time before that. So what if you like to have a little fun with your co-workers? That bartender practically gave you permission to dance on the table, so it’s the bar’s fault that it ended up collapsing after you started shimmying.

Happy birthday, big guy! - Jacey
Jacey is either telling you that you have a weight problem and need to start hitting the gym, or she is flirting with you hard core. Either way, not an appropriate message for an office birthday card. Tell HR immediately and stay away from Jacey. She is trouble.

Happy birthday, Dan! Yours truly, Kevin
Well, as you know, your name is not Dan, so Kevin is just being really inconsiderate getting your name wrong in the birthday card. Also kinda lame that Linda from HR didn’t notice and correct it before giving it to you. Isn’t that her job??

Have a GREAT summer! - Matt
Matt is signing the birthday card as if it is a yearbook, rather than an office birthday card. Unlike David who was confused about the nature of the card, Matt gets it. He’s just making a joke. This is a great joke and we encourage you to use it in every office birthday card you have to sign for the rest of your life.

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