Published August 08, 2010 More Info »
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Published August 08, 2010

I’m not on the social networking websites. To me, MySpace is between my wife’s legs.

I figure I must be straight since I don’t have a little voice in my head saying I want to fuck a guy.

When I’m asked why such a young, pretty woman married me, I tell people I screwed her brains out.

I associate words differently now that I’m older. When I hear Fisher-Price, I think of the cost of fixing a tear in my asshole.

Catholic priests are the most scrutinized, closely-watched pedophiles anywhere.

I decided to try narcotic addiction because I had heard so many good things about it.

It was a long drive, but I had a good book to read. The steering wheel kept getting in the way though.

There’s one thing to be said for a methadone clinic. You meet the nicest folks there.

I’m so broke, the electric company disconnected my light at the end of the tunnel.