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May 17, 2011

According to Mr. Camper the word ends saturday at 6pm, I wont even be drunk yet, what the heck?!

So this dude Mr.Camper who runs a family church radio station that is totally funded by donations, and worth about 120 mil. So, this guy just has so much money and now 66 radio stations that hes all like, hey I've been staring at my bible and I figured out some mathematical equation that says the world is going to end May 21... May 21,2011??? omg! What time Mr. Camper?

Eh.. around 6pm, after I have my after-dinner bowel movement.

First off, who the fuck knew that the bible was an optical illusion, it's like one of those trippy posters you buy at flea markets that you have to stare at long enough to see zebras doing the cha cha... only took this dude 70 years to see!

So his equation he gives to prove that this will infact happen: God told Noah in 7 days I will destroy every living creature...etc... and to God 1 day is 1000 years... so this also meant 7000 years, really weird that God would decide to make our end of days into a riddle... I guess he DOES have a sense of humor... aww you holy little joker you! you got us..ooh man, epic punk, Ashton feels like a worthless turd now!
Anyway, so the year God told this to Noah was 4990... then the actual mathematical equation given is 4990+2011=7001... but then they are like, oh but no, God then kinda whispered to Noah "but then you know you gotta subtract 1, you know technically the first year is 0, you get it, anywho don't question me, I got locusts and shit, crazy shit, 1 doesnt count!"... oh, yeah, thatswhat happened.

Then I tried reading the rest of the article which was an interview with Mr. Camper, and had to stop... "The gay pride movement is a sign of the end of days, a sign from God" seriously dude??!! Let me clear this up for you Mr. Camper, just because your penis stiffens when you see a dude with a sweet bod, doesn't mean its the end of days, it means you're gay, you should buy lady Gagas album  May 23 and press repeat on "Born this way" (you know, it drops 2 days after you feel like a total dick that God doesn't pick you for his T-ball team) so, nice job trying to distract everyone from noticing your man induced chubby, but don't you think you're going a littttle too far?

You speak of the disasters and destruction in this country and other countries around the world, but choose to use your donated money scaring people into donating more. So, I hope you have some pretty smooth talking skills when all your sinners arrive May 22 to hear ya preach, I have a prediction, there will be some pretty sweet "epic fail" posts starring your billboards that I look forward to with a tingling giddiness!

I don't know what anyone believes, and I don't mean to down anyones beliefs, I'm not sure what is out there, but I do believe in being a good person and being good to eachother and living everyday like it could be your last, not just because there may be a judgement day.. but we eat a looooot of high fructose corn syrup.