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…and you thought YOU were having a bad day!

We’ve made it to the halfway mark of this amazing season of “Fargo” and with all our players paired up at the bridge table, it’s time for the real game to begin.

The House of Special Purpose was another name for Ipatiev House, the location where Emperor Nicholas II of Russia and his family were executed following the Bolshevik revolution. It’s also what I call my underwear!

Hope you put on your Muk Luks because the ground is covered in SPOILERS.

1) Engage

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It happened just the way Nikki always imagined.

Folks, we have cause to celebrate because Nikki and Ray get engaged! Ray pops the question while dressed as his brother - SYMBOLISM - and the couple celebrates the old fashioned way: by making a blackmail sex tape.

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“No, Ray, I didn’t say ‘ring job.”

2) STELLA!!!

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Everything you own in a box to the left.

The Goddamn Parking Lot Queen of Minnesota has abdicated her throne, taking her mother with her.

I feel for our Parking Lot King but I have some questions - doesn’t this woman realize her husband has an identical twin brother? And that they don’t really get along? And that the man in the video was wearing the cheapest wig I’ve ever seen?

In her defense I guess she wouldn’t really want to stick around to frame analysis of video that looks like her husband pushing a woman around from behind like a shopping cart.

This is why you should never open someone else’s mail.

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Life lesson: don’t be nebby.

3) The Pick Up Artist

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Guess what I’m doing with my hands under the-oh it’s glass, nevermind.

According to The VM Varga school of seduction fat women are sensualists who see no difference between a pastrami sandwich and a dick in their mouths. Later on we also learn that Varga’s crew believes pretty women should only open their mouths when they see a dick.

I’m shocked that these men are single.

Mating Dance

4) World’s Best Dick

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Cuck tears.

Sy drinking from the dick mug was cringe hilarious. If we are asking me, and we are because I’m writing this, it’s revenge for his attacks on Corvette (who is sadly absent from this episode). Last week I said he was a dick and now here he is cleaning up after one.

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Hey that’s MY dick mug you’re using!

I do feel bad that he gets kicked out of his own office but we will soon learn this is the least of the worries.

5) “How much money does one man need?”

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“Hostile takeover? Try leading a colony of humans through space with no chance of survival.”

The Widow Mrs. Goldfarb, So Say We All, wants to buy Stussy Corp and Sy can’t trip over his words fast enough to dump off his newly toxic assets.

She also gives him a vague threat that he doesn’t want to make an enemy of a Goldfarb which is about on point for the day that Sy is having.

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Why is everyone picking on me?

6) “You’re a role model.”

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But I don’t wanna clean my room, dad!

The Stussy boys are just that - boys. The Parking Lot King of Minnesota lashes out at Sy for not taking care of his problems. He needs someone to manage his life because he’s too scared to do it for himself.

Ray is the same, too scared to try for something bigger. That’s why he fell for Nikki so hard; she has what he needs - ambition.

7) Cop Out

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But chief, we’re barely in this episode!

We don’t get a whole lot from Gloria and Winnie this week. They’re too far ahead of the game, already seeing strategies and motivations so spot on that you’d think the characters snuck out of the show and read all the scripts for the season. I know that sounds insane but a mafia showdown was interrupted by aliens last season and Ray Stussy landed Nikki Swango so I’m not ruling anything out at this point.

8) And Now, A White House Press Briefing

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9) Jowl Bark And No Bite

When the whole world just…it’s like…

It’s that kind of day for Sy.

10) PSA: Don’t Answer Your Phone On The Bus

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Where do you think you are, the comfort of your own Corvette?

11) Gloria sums up the season for your friends that aren’t watching

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12) Making A Souffle

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And then I put my dick this far into his drinking mug…

Yes, let’s hang our professional lives on a food metaphor from a man who doesn’t digest any.

13) Building A Bomb

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No, I wasn’t aware the title “Parking Lot King” has the word “king” in it twice.

Stussy Corp is turning into one of those 70s variety shows but here all the guests are shitty. This week the IRS stops by the office to check in on that $10k withdrawal that Ray-as-Emmit made last week and that I’m guessing Nikki is now wearing on her finger.

The IRS agent gives King Stussy every chance make this easy and he only makes it worse. It doesn’t help that the newly relocated VM Varga is suspiciously watching them where Sy should be. It also doesn’t help that Emmit didn’t actually withdraw that money but all of these things were long-game consequences dating back to the Stussy boy’s childhood.

The agent describes the airport scenario where someone gets randomly searched, and their palms are swabbed to check for bomb residue.

Emmit, without realizing it, has built Stussy Corp into a bomb and the IRS agent, looking to get in and get out, just found residue.

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Did he mention kids? I’m great with kids.


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Hopefully she respawns at one of the nice hospitals.

I should know better than to be drawn into any poignant reflection or quiet moment on this show because it’s going to be followed by VIOLENT ACTION.

I was contemplating Yuri’s Deep Thoughts - Minnesota and Siberia are the same except for all the blood on the ground - until I realized he was going to try to make Minnesota look like Siberia.

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The Dead Eye Twins use this opportunity to stop Nikki but also to send a message to Sy.

Sometimes violence is worse when you don’t see it so I would say this violence was really bad. Everything about the sequence from Sy to the patience in camera tracking and lack of music, made this feel awful.

Incredible mastery of suspense in this shot.

This is what comes after the cup.

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What do you think Meemo is listening to all the time?

15) Wolf Like Me

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I’m not here to make friends.

The final shot - a shadowy wolf smoking and looking into camera - drives home just how deep and how quickly Varga has sunk his claws into the drama of this season. Almost every scene in this episode was driven by his actions or reaction to his actions.

Varga, in Spanish, means “steep slope.” We have reached peak Varga which means it’s all downhill from here.

16) “Yeah, that’s what I said, "Awwwww.”

It’s Hard to Be Humble - Mac Davis

Piano Sonata No. 23 in F Minor, Op. 57, “Appassionata”: II. Andante con moto - Plamena Mangova

Gesänge, Op. 42: No. 2, Vineta - Wolf-Dieter Hauschild & Leipzig Radio Chorus

Track Suit - Minor Mishap Marching Band

Ship Of Fools - World Party (IDK who did the cover in this ep so enjoy the original)

We will be back next week when it will look a little something like this:

Until then, don’t forget:

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