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September 03, 2011

A paranoid rant by your biggest concerned patriot, Job Ezekiel Isaiah.

It has recently come to my attention that my fellow Americans are not aware of what is to be believed as extraterrestial concern involving the origins of the mushroom vegetables.  I myself am a devoted Christian, and I would be very surprised if my dear readers were not also, for I am sure I will not have to explain how important it is in every circumstance that arises to refer back to the Good Book.

Now I was out doing my grocery shopping at the local supermarket just a short while ago when I noticed a bag of mushroom vegetables for sale in the produce section and I got to thinking about how these mushrooms were created - the origins of mushrooms, if you will.  And as a good Christian always does, I got out a copy of my Bible and I tried dearly to find any hint about where these mushrooms came from, but, unfortunately, there was not one single mention of mushrooms in any context of the holy books of the Bible.

So, as I am sure you will understand, I decided to ask the pastor of my church that Sunday after his morning sermon, but he was just as puzzled as I over this certain pondering of mine.  He informed that the Good Book had never steered him in his entire life, and that the Good Book always has all the answers, if you just pray hard enough for them to appear.  Now I prayed all I could to the Lord Almighty, and I looked through my holy Bible once again, and I saw the sentence of Genesis 1:11, and it spoke: "And God went on to say, 'Let the earth cause grass to shoot forth, vegetation bearing seed, fruit trees yielding fruit according to their kinds, the seed of which is in it, upon the earth.'  And it came to be so."

Now I got to thinking about all that I had taken in, and I realised that I had never heard of any mushrooms "bearing seed," and I had never heard of any mushrooms "yielding fruit and the seed upon the earth."  So after much more thinking I dearly decided that the Holy Bible couldn't have been including the so-called vegetable named mushrooms when it spoke of vegetation being created.

Now I am sure you must realise, dear readers, what this all leading to.  If the Bible does not mention mushrooms once, even once, in all sixty-six holy scriptures, yet ancient civilisations clearly used mushrooms and wrote of mushrooms and drew of mushrooms, there is only one logical explanation as to where the mushrooms came from.  As I mentioned before in my opening statement, they came extraterrestial origins.

I've been finding more and more cases in aliens in our culture today, and mushrooms are a perfect example.  As I'm sure you'll understand, my dear readers, there is just no other logical explanation besides that mushrooms were a gift from the ancient aliens.  And who other than our very own government could be hiding this information from us trustworthy American people?  So I implore, dear readers, to take a bomb against this so-called "President of the United States," whoever he may be, and rage until the streets run red, because there is nothing more important than having him address our unknowing yet trustworthy fellow Americans about the huge threat that these ancient aliens could present in the years to come.  If you are not outraged, you are not paying attention.