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November 18, 2015

There are a lot of things you don't know about what goes on in Apple Stores. Here are fifteen.

Apple Stores: We all love the machines they house, but what dark secrets lurk behind the screens? Read on, if you dare.

  • You can straight up steal the MacBooks on Tuesdays.
  • There are Tim Cook nudes hidden on every computer in a folder called “Work Stuff.”
  • No one has ever actually opened the stocks app.
  • Apple doesn’t just let you check your own email on their demo computers, they also let you check Bono’s.
  • There’s an old school, non-iPad cash register on the 3rd floor but nobody knows how to use it.
  • Apple Geniuses can either wear that blue shirt or a bunch of handkerchiefs stapled together.
  • Cracked screens are actually very easy to repair but it’s way funnier to see the look on your face when you hear how much we’re charging you.
  • In Amish neighborhoods they are called Apple Markets, and they only sell apples and that wood game where you try and get the ball in the cone.
  • All employees have to share one toothbrush.
  • Like the fruit from which they derive their name, all Apple products are 100% edible.
  • If you say, “Justin Long stopped by the store just last week,” at any location, at any time, you are correct.
  • You better believe you still have that U2 album on your phone.
  • If you say the word "Innovation” and press Apple+Ctrl+Shift three times in a mirror, Steve Jobs will appear.
  • Clear the search history all you want, asshole. We still know what you’ve been doing to yourself.
  • Steve Jobs real name is Steven Professions.