Republicans May Reject Trump. Maybe He Could Join the Whig Party?

It’s official–Donald trump is an alien! Now I’m not talking about one of those illegal immigrants he loves so much. I mean an actual extra terrestrial like from space and everything. There was an episode of Futurama where brain slugs attached themselves to the head of their victim so they could latch onto their brain and control their thoughts. I think that’s exactly what has happened to Mr. Trump. It would explain why he keeps saying things that are out of this world, pun intended. Like when he said, “John McCain is only a war hero because he was captured,” and that “he likes people who weren’t captured” and doesn’t think he needs to apologize. It would also explain his freakishly terrifying, horrific, repulsing, vomit inducing, piece of shit hair that gives children nightmares and turns grown men into atheists because it’s not hair at all, it’s a fucking alien sitting on top of his head that has taken over his brain! At this point, I don’t think Donald Trump has much of a chance politically but at least he has the bulimics vote. That’s because Donald Trump is the poster boy for bulimia. Not because he has it, but because every time bulimics see his ugly face they throw up their lunch and they love him for it. In all seriousness, morbid obesity is a major problem for this country so maybe we should vote for this idiot just so every time his disgusting face makes a speech we can all puke our brains out and, hopefully, start to lose some serious weight as a country. But before you select Donald Trump as your presidential candidate, did you know he was born just over a year after Hitler died? Coincidence? I don’t think so. Another fun fact about Donald Trump is that he’s 69. I suspect most men would rather 69 with Hitler and let Adolf fuck them in the ass until their shit turns bloody before seeing Donald Trump as president. Although, if Trump becomes president, he would be a dick that fucks this country over like an asshole until it turns into a bloody piece of a shit. So in a way, I guess that is kind of like fucking Hitler. Go America!

Advertisement