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June 13, 2008
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one of the few obligations we have as citizens of the USA is to report for jury duty. today, that would be me. and though i always said i would show up wearing a viking hat, a breastplate, and carrying a plastic axe, i woke up too late to put these things on and ended up going in ripped jeans and a ratty white tanktop. i was hoping that a 'whitetrash' vibe would help me get out of it. as it turns out, running into a bored intern is the best way to get out of jury duty.


i wasn't supposed to bring my cellphone in with me, but i did anyway (i turned it off and crotched it). after about two hours of waiting, and then listening to some court official talk about responsibility i realized i had forgotten to tell my partner at the studio that i had the juryduty thing and he would be expecting me at noon. so i let loose a foul smelling flatulation and asked to be excused to the bathroom (they said no bathroom breaks for an hour a few minutes before, so i thought a nice ripe fart would illustrate my needs clearly...it worked). while in the bathroom i called my partner (he was still sleeping) and told him i wouldn't be making it...or at least i'd be late. and then i headed back to the room were the jury cadidates were being bored into submission. while walking down the hallway, trying to be the only person NOT making loud footsteps, a frazzled looking kid carrying comically tall stack of stuffed manilla folders sort of exploded out of a doorway. the boy walked right into some poor fool that was walking so quietly the frazzled intern didn't even know he was there...that fool was me. the manilla folders erupted in paper...i felt like robert deniro in 'Brazil', you know, when he gets eaten by paperwork? what, you didn't see 'Brazil'? Terry Gilliam? Johnathan Pryce? oh, well, guess i'll just have to keep going with the story...

i offered to help him put it all back together again (anything to keep me out of that room). and we started talking. he asked what i did there. i said i was here for jury selection. he said that he figured as much...the tank top sorta gave me away. he then offered me a way out of the selection process, at least, for that day. i said sure. and now i'm coalating all the papers in the manilla folder. well, actually, right now, i'm typing this blog and the copy machine is coalating (they make REALLY smart copy machines...i had no idea), but the point is i'm not bored, i've met two members of the new york HOR and a city council member...and none of them made a comment on my attire. i've been pretty low key so far. this is not the place i want to be attracting attention to myself (unlike subway platforms and parks). well i should wrap this up...i can see Manny coming back this way with our calzones (mmmmm...calzone) and he'll wanna talk about the NBA finals again (apparently not many learned basketball fans amoung the city hall intern staff). bon voyage!

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