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July 14, 2008


i was having flashbacks to 80's toy commercials, and i thought, if anyone else remembers Zartan they'll love it. it would be great. i can imagine people singing his stupid song and then the G.I. Joe song (since Zartan was from Cobra), and laugh and laugh.

hey, if you can't entertain yourself you're in for a long sad life...that's why god gave us hands...to masturbate.

i love watching old cartoons from when i was a kid. thundercats, he-man, and the smurfs are my personal favorites. also, transformers (i own the entire series on dvd...it's awesome) gets me off pretty hard. i'd pay for phone sex with optimus prime or megatron (though if starscream tried to join the party that would be a total boner-blocker).

and you can't tell me that Lion-O and He-Man aren't two of the damn sexiest males in cartoon history (even if He-Man was gay and Lion-O probably has that barbed cat-penis...but if you're into pain, i'll bet he's your guy). and cheetarah...damn, she was one sexy catlady, and one of my first marturbatory fantasies (i was 8 years old)...before i even knew what i was doing.

i'm not gonna make the smurfs out to be more than the childish fun that they were (childish fun in a village with ONE girl and a bunch of prepubescent  nerds...except for papa smurf). all the jokes about them have been made already, and i like to preserve their innocence. they were tiny, cute, and blue. and they sang a cute song...but they originated in france (and the original song has words, not just LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!), which could be a strike against them (no offense to the french on my part, they gave my album a good review), and they refuse to wear pants (always a red flag, in my book, i mean, even Tarzan wore a loincloth, the smurfs just wear those white hats...wait, maybe their genitals are on their heads!).

okay, i've gone off into the land of strangeness where nothing is funny...

anyway, i'll leave you with this (if you can find it). once upon a time i came across a website of outtakes from the cartoon Thundercats. it basically them fucking up lines and then cursing about it in character...it's too fucking hilarious. if you do a google search for THUNDERCATS OUTTAKES or THUNDERCATS SWEARING LIKE SAILORS you should come across it. if not you may just find a page telling you how earthlink blows dirty goats. which isn't as unappealing as it sounds...shit, i've said too much.