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Published July 30, 2012 More Info »
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Published July 30, 2012

Late last night JetBlue suspended flights into Gotham due to the supervillain takeover of the entire city, and to a much lesser extent, high winds.

The apocalyptic hellscape started to take shape when a short, weird tank drove up the steps of City Hall. Next came the jail break. And by noon the place was such a war zone that bridges were blowing up without even making the news.

“Travelers started canceling trips, so we knew there was only one thing to do: waive bag fees,” explained JetBlue CEO David Barger. “But we started to worry when the football field blew up.”

It wasn’t long before chaos reached the skies, as henchmen on a Quantas plane slid down ropes onto the roof of JetBlue Flight 754. Reportedly the madmen blew up the plane’s wings and pilfered 75 sets of the airline’s $2 headphones.