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Published January 26, 2009

I could just about swear that when I received my post surgical/radiation instructions from my doctor that he said that "and remember you must have sex twice per week or use your dialator three times per week, "which didn't make sense nor seem fair to me but I didn"t question his authority.Then he added"not to do so causes shrinkage and stenosis." Like Rosanne Barr I figured that nothing lasts forever and opted to get thinner and go into ketosis. Stenosis-ketosis,what do I look like Marie Curie or something? How could I know he meant vaginal shrinkage,that as it turns out is what stenosis means. He really messed up my private life,high falutin' jerk. He rudely remarked at my last visit,"well, you've really messed yourself up, why didn't you tell me you were having problems w. your husband? I said"didn't I tell you,I got a divorce and remarried Jack Ass." I thoght shrinkage and stenosis meant ketosis,you know you get really thin and since my relationship bites I preferred the skinny deal. "Oh no,he said "now you're gonna' have to start w. a really tiny dialator,I mean like dwarf size!" Well,I answered can I at least get rid of that white fiberglass,pasty looking thing? He said "sure,we have this dark colored model and you can work your way up in size,ok?" No, to commonplace, don"t you have an intergalactic one in green,I'm into the E.T. thing now. After a while he returns with a magic marker looking really relieved and says there's just more thing, you will have to go under the knife for plastic surgery,ok?" Then I let it rip plastic surgery of my hoosis? What? Other women are getting their faces done, ass lifts, blown up lips and I'm supposed to spend my money on something only a martian will see?Hurt,and obviously unnerved he replys, it isn"t my fault that your vocabulary sucks,nor that you jumped to conclusions!"

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