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March 31, 2016

A Trump ex-staffer has released a document listing a number of offenses he wants women punished for.

Days after female-friendly presidential candidate Donald Drumpf suggested that women ought to be punished for having abortions, a more detailed list has emerged of other female offenses that he would like to see punished.

  • Having the names Hillary or Candy.
  • Tinder profiles containing less than 4 photos.
  • Tombs. (Pretty sure he meant to say wombs, but he’s a fucking idiot.)
  • Doing his makeup well and making him look utterly humanlike.
  • Smoking less than 6 cigarettes a day while pregnant like his mother did.
  • Associating with Mexicans or Muslims who are NOT his rich friends.
  • Having free will.
  • Saying the words “Anderson Cooper.”
  • Preferring Grey Goose martinis over Drumpf Vodka martinis.
  • Living alone after the age of 27.
  • Standing him up on a date on June 16th, 1968.
  • Running opposed to him in any national or local election, primarily that for Girl Scouts Troop 548 Leader.
  • Mistaking his penis for a pencil eraser.
  • His incestuous lust for milk.
  • Voting.