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Published August 25, 2013 More Info »
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Published August 25, 2013

The Portland Police Department (PPD) finally appeared on an episode of Cops. With no surprise, it was for pulling a naked man over on a bike for protesting against cars and their contribution to global warming and the deterioration of the ozone layer. Fuck Portland. Get some real crime you donkeys. Hey Portland, why don’t you come to Lincoln Park and see what real time tastes like? What do you know about eatin so much mothafuckin froyo you just barf up some nasty ass berry shit all up on the 22 bus, get kicked off, then have to walk the rest of the way, or maybe wait for the next bus, or just cab that shit  back to your 1 bed 1 bath condo with mothafuckin granite counter tops, just so you’re not late for the new episode of Breaking Bad and can’t afford to stay up for the 11 o’clock showing because you gotta be up at 7am for yoga and at the office by 8:30?! The fuck you know about that?! Why don’t you follow a girl into 7eleven because she’s cute and maybe you might work up the courage to ask her out or something might happen like she goes for the same flavored Nature Valley bar and you guys giggle and you tell her to take it, but its the last one, so she tells you to take it, but you insist, then she giggles again and gives you her number, but actually none of that happens and now you’re just looking at Naked juices by yourself with nothing to say so you pick up a bag of Nibs and then put ‘em back and she sees you looking at her so you get super nervous and then just walk out without purchasing shit!!?! GET DOWN LIKE THAT THEN TRY AND TALK TO ME MOTHERFUCKER!!! -TK

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